Come ye aliens, avatars, and adventurers, Snowdown 2017 is here! Put on your cardboard robot costume, pocket your death ray, and beam down to the best interplanetary parties around Durango. There’s a rocket fulla things to do that cost zero Earth dollars.
Atari Galactic Games6:30 p.m. Thursday, Moe’s, 937 Main Ave.Beep. Beep. Beeeeew. Mash them buttons till you’re back to the future. Moe’s is having a retro video game tournament featuring games like Atari’s “Galaga,” “Space Invaders,” and “Defender.” Show up at 6:30 and play. No advance sign-up required. If you have mad pew pew pew skillz, you might win a $75, $50, or $25 bar tab. 21+ event.
Beard Competition8 p.m. Thursday, Carver Brewing Co., 1022 Main Ave. An arduous three months of beard growing has come to an end! Contestants signed up the first Friday in November when clean-shaven mugshots were taken. Who will have grown the longest beard? Additional prizes given for best color beard and best beer absorption in a beard. There’ll even be a longest leg hair contest for pre-registered ladies. 21+ event.
Drag Race and Fashion Show7 p.m., Thursday, El Rancho Tavern, 975 Main Ave. RuPaul says, “You’re born naked and the rest is drag,” so make a fab, sci-fi ensemble and strut up El Rancho’s fashion show. Make sure to sign up at least 60 minutes before start time. Prizes given for first through third based on crowd favorites. Then stick around. DJ Soul Atomic will get your ro-butt moving at the after party. 21+ event.
Waiter/Waitress Race2 p.m. Friday, (in the alley behind) Steamworks, 801 East Second Ave.Co-ed teams of local servers will compete in an obstacle course that is bound to be out of this world. You can watch the shenanigans or sign-up, so long as you enter your team 30 minutes before the event. First prize: keg of Steamworks beer, Second place: $50 Steamworks gift card, and Third prize: two pitchers of Steamworks beer. 21+ event.
Light Parade6 p.m. (dusk) Friday, Main Avenue. from College Drive to 12th StreetCarl Sagan said, “Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.” That incredible thing is the annual light parade down Main Avenue. Durango’s only nighttime parade will feature astounding illuminated floats. If you’re there for the whole thing, you’ll also catch the firework display.
Balloon Rally and Mass Ascension7:30 a.m. Saturday, N. U.S. Highway 550, North side of Hermosa Meadows Rd.If any of you brave replicants and rogues are up ass-early and not too hungover on Saturday, the hot air balloon launch will be a celestial sight to see. You can park at Animas Valley Elementary School. Pre-registered pilots will ascend to the frosty heavens.
Boldly Go Where No Spam Has Gone Before11 a.m., Saturday, Durango Welcome Center, 802 Main Ave.Spam has often been accused of being a mystery meat. Beloved. Reviled. Possibly the product of Martians. Carve the hell out of a block of Spam and win prizes. You have until 15 minutes before the event to signup. First through third prizes will be picked from the pink, globby creations from teenage, adult, and team categories.
Outhouse Stuffing1 p.m. Saturday, Gazpacho, 431 E. 2nd Ave. Geezus H. Disgusting Alien Christ. Ever felt the need to see how many people you could fit in an outhouse? Have a kink where you like to watch people mash into outhouses? The 17th Annual Outhouse Stuffing Contest is here. You’ll get two minutes to shove as many people as possible into a crapper. Your team has to stay there for 10 seconds. 1st and 2nd prize win Gazpacho New Mexican Restaurant gift cards. Afterwards, stick around for the hula hooping contest.
DJ and MC Battle8 p.m. Saturday, Moe’s, 937 Main Ave. Ground Control to Major Tom, can you spit soulsonic planet rock? Moe’s will host a DJ and MC battle. No pre-registration required to join in. No cover to watch. Bar tab prizes of $75, $50, and $25 for winners of this 21+ event.
8th Annual Costume Gala8 p.m. Saturday, Derailed Pour House, 725 Main Ave. Dance till infinity ... and beyond at Derailed at the Intergalactic Costume Gala. Prizes will be given for best costume to a single person and a couple. 21+ event.
For a full listing of Snowdown 2017 events, visit http://www.snowdown.org/schedule.html.
Patty TempletonDGO Staff Writer