Love it or hate it: Glitter

Ar 170629921
Adobe Stock
Ar 170629921
Adobe Stock

Love itThere will always be a part of me that pines to be an ethereal creature, like an elf or a fairy, or some other chimerical shit. I blame it on seeing Ray Harryhausen films and reading Greek myths as a kid. Can’t read about Eris and the golden apple without wanting a little bit of that chaotic flash to rub off on ya.

Being as I can’t have the opalescent skin of a fabled forest creature or the glitz of the goddess of discord, I gotta get that verve and shimmer somehow.

Enter, glitter.

Is it messy? Yes. Does it get into the corner of your eye and try to blind you? Most assuredly. Do I still love it? Damn right.

Glitter is the perfect accent to every outfit. I mean that. Wanna look straight outta Rivendell? Glitter. Need to amp your Studio 54 hot pants harlotry? Glitter. Require a boost to your tall socks and roller skates? Glitter. It’s Monday and everything sucks and you just want to GD power-sparkle your way through the day? GLITTER!

Side note: Me and an author pal have a phrase for glitter. We call it “angel flang.” It’s a gloriously distasteful reference to seraphs ejaculating in sparkles, if they discharge at all.

Go ahead. The week’s only as magic as you make it. Might as well pour some flang on.

— Patty Templeton Hate itThere’s a reason why activists glitter-bomb those they feel are anathema to their cause. Sure, it’s a novel way of shaming those thought of as anti-LGBTQ, but even better because glitter has its very own way of saying, “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

Glitter seems so fun in the moment, as a costume accessory or even for use in your various arts and crafts. But days later, when you’re finding glitter everyplace imaginable, the pro-glitter decision is always regrettable: “It was fun, but not fun enough.”

Beyond its unwillingness to leave once the party’s over, glitter is a little showy for my tastes. With its light-reflecting properties, it’s not enough for a person to be wearing bright, shimmery colors, glitter has to come along and make something already flashy and say, “Hey, look at me. Am I not dazzling?”

We get it glitter. You’re shiny and fabulous, but why do you have to hang around so long?

— David Holub