Seeing through the smoke


Christopher Gallagher

All hail the joint, the gold standard of smoking

Ar 180709908
Colossal Sanders for DGO
Ar 180709908
Colossal Sanders for DGO

At every family event, whether it’s the Fourth of July fireworks, a birthday celebration, a graduation, or a funeral, there inevitably comes a time when Jerome T, our great uncle (or maybe grand uncle – I’m not sure how that works, to be honest, but he’s pretty great, so that’s what I’m going with) directs a question to the assembled male adult crowd. “Does anybody have anything rooooooooolled?”

Jerome T (whose home state of Massachusetts just joined the Centennial State in recreational bliss) is of the generation that began the march toward nationwide legal cannabis use, and he has always understood the utility of having a joint or three on hand, especially when traveling.

The J, the doobie, spliff, stick, bone, boom-bat, fatty: No matter what technological advances are made in the world of weed consumption (and I tip my cap to the industrious stoners who have brought the million-and-one methods to the masses), the simple joint always has been, remains, and will continue to be the gold standard when it comes to THC inhalation. It is a varied and versatile delivery vehicle. Think of dogs; just like a Chihuahua and a Saint Bernard are “the same thing,” a pinner meant to be taken down solo in three or four puffs, and a Bob Marley-inspired 12-inch beast containing upward of a half-ounce spun into a RAW Supernatural are the same thing, too.

Therein lies the beauty of the joint (and its descendants the blunt and the cone) – it is whatever you make it to be. Rolling papers come in a wide range of sizes, generally starting at “standard,” which is about 1-inch wide and continuing through 1¼, 1½, double (2” wide), and over the past decade, the behemoths, like the aforementioned Supernaturals and their ilk. You just want to take the edge off? Roll a doobie into a standard-sized wrap, or customize something even smaller for yourself by ripping the paper to the length and width you desire. You and your besties are looking to get properly blazed at Red Rocks while celebrating the untz that only Sound Tribe can deliver? Grab one of those monster papers or make your own by licking and sticking until you have a bone the size of your femur.

Until the rise of the portable vaporizer, the joint was unmatched in terms of ease of portability and simplicity of access. I think it continues to hold the lead in this category, if only by a hair. And, it may not be much of a consideration in 2018 Colorado, but Uncle Jerry often cautioned us back in the day to never leave the house with anything that could not be swallowed, should the Jake roll up on your position, lights flashing and handcuffs ready to click. Whether it be a National Park or a quick scoot across the border to see the sights in Utah, I dare you to slug down a PAX to avoid detection by a ranger or a Mormon copper.

I am going to spend some time this week investigating and rolling some of these newfangled novelty joints that seem to be popping up in every shape and size. Next week, we will discuss how to roll a reg’lar ol’ joint and one of these special treats. Wish me well, DGO amigos.

Christopher Gallagher lives with his wife and their four dogs and two horses. Life is pretty darn good. Contact him at chrstphrgallagher@gmail.com.