Here’s a free piece of advice from me to you: Unless you’re black, don’t use the n-word. Honestly, there’s really no good reason or situation for you to go there.
“But what if I’m at a Kanye West concert?” No!
“But what if I’m Quentin Tarantino?” Stop it!
“But what if I’m a white kid with a terminal illness and I want to use my Make a Wish on saying the ‘n-word’ out loud just once?” Have you considered there’s a reason you got your disease?
It’s amazing that I have to give this advice to anyone in the year 2018, if for no other reason than that most white racists have gotten really good at talking around the word itself so they can pretend in polite company that they’re not awful. And yet, here we are, coming off a weekend where many across the country are cutting ties with Papa John’s – a notable exception being the Dallas Cowboys, and feel free to read into that what you will – after now-former Chairman John Schnatter resigned his post following the news that he used the word on a conference call.
It’s a befuddling situation, not in the least because, without knowing him personally, I have to assume that Schnatter is at the very least not dumb. I mean, we are talking about a guy who managed to trick millions of people out there into ordering his awful pizza year in and year out. I’m just saying, if your business plan hinges on people ordering terrible pizza to get your garlic sauce, and you make it work, you should at least be smart enough to not say the n-word on a conference call, ya know?
But maybe this will be the final nail in John Schnatter being a banal public figure. I don’t really have anything against him specifically, other than that his pizza sucks, but let’s be honest: He’s not even the most interesting of the owners when it comes to Big Pizza. That title goes to Domino’s Pizza founder Tom Monaghan. I mean, Monaghan was a dude who used to roll with his delivery drivers, packing a meat tenderizer, to deal with people who stole pizza. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the wild life of Tom Managhan (The Dollop does a good job of breaking it all down.) As for Schnatter, I assume he’ll have plenty of free time now to blame all is troubles on the NFL instead of building a better pizza.