We have bad news: We’re basically never leaving our homes again. Ok, maybe we’re being a little dramatic but with the uptick in COVID-19 cases, we might not be too far off.
This is why it’s important to get creative with our cannabis habits when it comes to staying in the great indoors, folks. While it’s maybe not the most exciting of prospects it is, unfortunately, our reality. Luckily, we have weed and Netflix! Specifically, we have Spherex vape cartridges that just so happen to pair nicely with some binge-worthy shows.
What shows might that be? Glad you asked! Let’s get into the weed(s).
Strain: Granddaddy PurpleType: IndicaSummary: This berry-flavored vape cartridge is made for turning your brain off and getting some relaxing R&R. It’s got a potency of 85 percent THC, 12 percent cannabinoids, and three percent terpenes.
Do: Turn the channel to trash reality TV: “90 Day Fiance,” “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,” “Teen Mom,” “Jersey Shore,” etc. You literally need no brain cells for this undertaking. Just sit back and half-ass absorb the fact that, yes, while you are a beautiful disaster, at least your life is not nearly as much as a dumpster fire as the ones shown on the screen. Unfortunately, they still get paid a lot more than you. Just don’t think about that part.
Don’t: Look up how much Bristol Palin got paid to do a single season of “Teen Mom OG.” Stoned you might say or do some things sober you may regret. Like emailing your boss.
Strain: OG KushType: IndicaSummary: This indica strain is one of the most popular in the world. It’s ideal for unwinding after a long day and will take you straight to Chillville. It has a potency of 85 percent THC, 12 percent cannabinoids, and three percent terpenes.
Do: Stick to dumb humor shows like “Family Guy,” “American Dad,” and “Bob’s Burgers” for this strain. You’ll break your noggin if you train to watch anything that requires anything beyond two brain cells to rub together. Not to say these are terrible shows. They’re funny as hell and they’re probably exactly the medicine you need to wrap up the day.
Don’t: Watch a horror film after smoking this beast. It’ll make you so paranoid you’ll think your cat in the other room isn’t meowing for you to feed her. Oh no. It’s because she is warning you about the headless ghost of a serial killer that’s haunting your laundry room. Good luck sleeping after that.
Strain: Sweet JackType: SativaSummary: This citrus-tasting strain will liven up the day of anyone that smokes it. Think creativity and positive energy, or whatever the hippies are saying these days. Sweet Jack is perfect for when you need that little boost of energy.
Do: Seek out documentaries on this strain. With Sweet Jack’s invigorating effects, you’ll be able to absorb that information way better than you would while smoking an indica. Netflix has loads of interesting docs for you to binge like, “13th,” “Fyre,” “Wild Wild Country,” and “Don’t F*ck With Cats.” Some will make you laugh. Some will make you cry. And some will just make you wonder, “what the eff did I just watch…?” After all, you are stoned.
Don’t: Get on your phone to research the details of whatever documentary you’re watching. You’ll fall into a black abyss of an information wormhole that you won’t be able to extricate yourself from until you inevitably pass out on your couch and miss the ending of the documentary. When you wake up the next morning, you’ll have no memory of why you Googled, “why do people cry in their cars?” - which is a sad question even for sober you.
Strain: Lemon HazeType: SativaSummary: Lemon Haze’s flavor profile has ties to the terpene Terpinolene, which gives this strain a piney, floral, and citrus smell. This strain is great for enhancing and inserting energy into any activity or conversation. It, too, has a potency of 85 percent THC, 12 percent cannabinoids, and three percent terpenes.
Do: Try some TV dramas like, “Marcella,” “Black Mirror,” “Dark,” and “Ozark.” They might not be the most uplifting, but at least under the influence of this strain you’ll be able to follow along with these complex plots. Or at least, you can ask your sober roommates what’s going on anyway. The best part is you’ll get so sucked into these dramatic TV shows so quickly, you won’t even realize until it’s too late.
Don’t: Go too overboard with this one. Sometimes you can find yourself in too deep and your brain starts to short circuit trying to remember who murdered who and how time travel makes sense. (It doesn’t.) At that point just accept defeat, turn off the TV, and go to bed.
Strain: Mango KushType: HybridSummary: Mango is the best fruit so it makes sense that Mango Kush is an award winner in this lineup. Euphoria is Mango Kush’s middle name, so if you’re having a downer of a day try this little pick me up. Like the other cartridges, it has a potency of 85 percent THC, 12 percent cannabinoids, and three percent terpenes.
Do: Dark and/or smart comedies such as “Dead to Me,” “Atypical,” “The Good Place,” and “Russian Doll” pair super well with this strain. You’ll find yourself laughing until you cry while simultaneously sitting at the end of your seat waiting to find out what happens next. Everyone you live with will think you’re weird for giggling one minute and weeping the next, but don’t worry. That just means you’re more stoned than they are.
Don’t: Turn off the TV. These types of shows are 100 percent worth watching all the way through to the end even if by the time you reach the final episode it’s 3 a.m. and you have a work meeting in five hours. It’s worth it. Just call in sick. We won’t tell.
Sir Blaze Ridcully