Have you waited to the last minute to get your lovers* a present? No worries I have a few suggestions that won’t empty your wallet and can be accomplished in the days you have left until whichever holiday you celebrate arrives.
I recognize that not everyone is interested, able, or at that stage in a relationship where purchasing a vibrator or full bondage set is the best gift. So I broke down my sex gift suggestions by rating – G-rated through X-rated. You can pick which rating works best for you and your lovers’ needs and start there.
GFor new relationships or folks new to giving sex gifts, this is where you want to start. There was a craze for a while about 10 years ago and I see them crop up every now and again – coupon books. The coupons were for things like a free back rub or foot massage, make-out session in your choice of location, hugs, sex with the lights on, etc. No need to run out and buy one or try chasing it down online – make your own!
You can get fancy with your paper or you can get some index cards. The idea is that you give your lovers a stack of cards with things they get to ask of you in the future. Be creative, include some of your own fantasies, and have fun! Remember they should be activities you are willing to do and that you can both consent to when the coupon is presented.
No lover, no problem! Put the cards in a jar next to your bed and pick one every Friday night or Sunday morning. When you are writing the cards, challenge yourself to explore pleasure that you don’t normally do and it doesn’t always have to be related to masturbation and orgasm (or every card can be about those, too!). One of the cards could be to write down your list of turn ons. Another could be embracing nudity (if you have roommates be mindful of shared spaces) and how long you can be naked while going about your day. Obviously, if you leave your house, put some clothes on, I don’t want people getting arrested!
PGLube! Lube! Lube! This is a great gift and it continues to give and give and give, long after the holidays. So this is a little tricky for local folks to get in this time frame. The Fallen Angel has a decent collection of lubes that I typically recommend, one of which is Sliquid. Another option is to check out the lube on the shelf at Dancing Willow Herbs, I hear it is a warming lube. My go to recommendation for lube is Pjur** and it is not stocked locally. You can order direct from their website, pjurlove.com, or from online sex shops like Good Vibrations. Pjur has a lube for every body, and I love their excellent German engineering directed at pleasure! If you want to order lube that you can’t find locally, put a note under the tree letting your lovers know that fun is on the way.
PG-13Make a list of every sexual fantasy or desire you’ve ever had and make it your bucket list for 2020. Couples? Thrupples? Have your lovers do the same and see if there is any overlap then ask for consent and get started checking that list! There’s no need to wait for Jan. 1 to begin your sex bucket list.
Do you need more of a challenge for this rating? Read your list out loud to your lovers. Look them in the eye when you come to a desire you are feeling particularly strong about. Be as descriptive as possible, sprinkling in consent as you go i.e. “I want to touch every part of your body, if you say yes, and discover which spots make you quiver.”
RCreate a sex date. How much money you spend on this is up to you but it can be done without breaking the bank. Depending on your relationship, your sex date may be for yourself, your long-term significant other, or the latest lovers in you life. Whomever is involved, the idea is to set aside time for pleasure. Get the kids a babysitter or set up a play-date for at least 2 hours. Block out time in your calendar. Send out invites!
Once you have the day and time set aside and the invites are sent (yes, send one to yourself if you are pleasuring solo), escape into your intentional sex date. The purpose of having a sex date is to have uninterrupted time to do what you want as slowly or quickly as you’d like. If you normally rush, slow down. If you normally don’t have time to dress up the space you are in, do that. Go big on the romantic, sensual, sexy touches – candles, music, massage oil, lube, erotica, porn – then enjoy every moment. If you normally have sex one way because you know it feels best that way, this is the perfect time to try something new!
The goal is not orgasm. The goal isn’t even sex. The goal is full-body pleasure. Talk through what you want to do and make it happen. If you are on a sex date with lovers, new or long-term, be sure to ask for and get consent.
XThree words – Dirty Fun Box. The concept of this blows my mind, I love it and I’m jealous that I didn’t think of it! DFB is a subscription service that sends you a monthly or quarterly box of goodies, challenges, resources and information – all related to exploring sexual behaviors.
Yes, this is a gift you will not be able to give right away and it is an investment of money up front. I’m breaking all my promises! However, you could make your own sexy box of fun and put a bow on it. Take something from all the other ratings above and combine them into one big gift of sex.
Happy gift giving and may your holiday season be full of sexual cheer.
*I am choosing to use the plural of lover rather than trying to parse language to fit into one type of relationship, couples. Diversity in relationships is a given and assuming that there is only one way to love and have sex is harmful.
**Pjur and Dirty Fun Box are not paying me to promote their products. I’m sharing them here as a resource. If you have a negative experience with these products please reach out to these companies to resolve it. Same goes for The Fallen Angle or Good Vibrations – I receive nothing for including their names in my column.
Now go forth and have great, consensual sex!
Erin Brandt (she/her/hers) has been a sexologist for 15 years. When she’s not spreading sexual knowledge, Erin can be found learning from her child, hiking with her partner, cuddling with her pitbull, knitting with her cat, dancing with friends, and searching for the nearest hammock and ocean breeze. Want more? Visit www.positivesexed.com