Weed Review: This Bootlegger strain will turn you into an idiot
“Make sure you make a note that this strain makes you stupid.”
That was the directive muttered to me by a friend shortly after we smoked the hybrid strain known as Bootlegger, which we’re reviewing from Pagosa Therapeutics this week.
I should have known that this strain would make us stupid, because, well, all of Pagosa Therapeutics’ strains seem to have that effect on my brain, but this strain in particular REALLY kicked our asses. In a good way.
Well, in a good way if you like being a total human replica of Patrick from Spongebob Squarepants, which isn’t useful most days, but was GREAT on the random Saturday that we blazed this badboy up. We only smoked a bowl between the two of us, but that one little bowl of Bootlegger was enough to do the job right the first time.
Want proof? Here’s the conversation that led up to that “stupid” intro quote. It went something like this:
Me: “I just feel like I was justicated in doing it.”
Friend: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. What the shit is justicated?!”
Me: A response of silence, utter shame, and subsequent fits of laughter.
So, I don’t really know what justicated means, but if I had to guess, I would say I was so stoned that I smashed one half of vindicated and one half of justified together into a nonsense word, one that I will never live down. Terrific.
And that was but just one example of how zapped our brains were after Bootlegger. My friend managed to use real words – no “justicated” from that one – but she still morphed into a live version of a stoner meme. At one point, she was muttering to herself and laughing, though she swears she was talking to me and I just wasn’t listening. Then she tried tell me a story, but slipped into a weird Southern Baptist preacher accent mid-anecdote, which only made me dissolve into gut-busting laughter in response. I have no idea what she was talking about or WHY it required a “The Lord sayeth unto thee” tone, but it doesn’t matter, cause it was a hilarious disaster and I was so very amused.
And, as you can imagine, things only became more of a shitshow from there. I was not only amused with EVERYTHING, but also had a body high from the literal heavens, perhaps brought down by my newly-minted preacher friend. My notes say, “I am so very high in the calves,” and my head vacillated between feeling like a balloon and a lead pipe, which my smoking buddy confirmed.
“My head feels like a very heavy weight and my body feels soooooo light,” muttered the preacher, which (of course) sent me into another fit of uncontrollable laughter.
After we calmed down from the giggles enough to function, I flipped on the TV to a crime show, but the background colors during the interviews seemed so vibrant that they appeared to be moving. Neither of us could focus long enough to actually watch the show, but we did discuss how amazed we were with the fascinating colors. We. Were. High.
And before the munchies could even kick in, we passed the hell out on our respective sides of the couch. I slept hard, with no recollection of being woken up, or of the conversation I had afterward. Who even KNOWS what I agreed to in that state.
Anyway, that’s Bootlegger. If you want to be hella stoned and potentially talk like a preacher man, get you some. We had a lot of dumbass fun with this one, and it might be on my short list of favorite strains. Just don’t attempt to drive or, uh, function after lighting up and you’ll be just fine.