If Prohibition keeps giving me wax to try out, I’m going to need to beg them to also give me an interpreter who can dig through my notes and make sense of them. Those are my feelings as I write up this review for Funky Gorilla Wax, anyway. I may feel better once this is over, but for now, I am on the struggle bus to make sense of what these notes say.
Is that reaaaaaaaally Prohibition’s fault, you ask? It sounds like someone couldn’t handle the amount they partook in, you say. Yeah, well, I say ... I say you’re probably right, but that’s neither here nor there. I still don’t know what the hell I wrote down when I smoked the stuff.
And yes, that is because I way overdid it. But to be fair to ME, it was easy to do with that wax. It is, after all, an extremely potent indica wax at 78.41% THC.
It’s been a while since we’ve reviewed any waxes or shatters, so I was excited to try this one out. Maybe too excited, judging by my notes. And that excitement turned into nearly jumping the gun when I opened the tiny 1 gram container of wax because this stuff is so pretty. All bright and yellow and ... funky. Sorry.
It smells funky, too — but I expected that. As I’ve mentioned a trillion times in the last few months, I’m fine with things that have a stench these days. I’m just relieved to have some sense of smell back after COVID, even if it’s limited in its scope. And I could definitely smell this one, and I think I caught hints of diesel and grass clippings. (Don’t quote me on that and/or lambast me for my mistakes, though. In my defense, everything still smells off. This jar could smell like flowers and I wouldn’t know it.)
Anyway, those were all good signs, so I was ready to dig into the wax as soon as I got home. Once I did, I found it was the perfect consistency — easy to scoop and drop into the dab pen. I just dug up a chunk and tossed it in.
And, as you may have gathered, I then took a huge freaking hit. Huge. Like, Pretty Woman “huge.” I choked, and choked, and then choked some more, causing alarm to both my housemates and myself. Once I was able to come up for air, though, I found the whole thing hilarious.
Then I hit it again. And again. I smoked/vaped that entire hunk o’ wax in one sitting, filling my lungs and body with more THC than it’s had in a minute. An impressive feat for someone who smokes weed for a living.
I probably didn’t need that much, though. I think that first hit would have sufficed, but I didn’t stop. And, once the vape was burned dry of any remnants, I sat back and enjoyed the ride.
I’m not sure what the hell else I did, though, because my notes don’t really tell me. They start off clear enough with, “Crap. I am super high. I should have not smoked that much but I way overshot it.” And they end with a series of indecipherable letters that don’t make clear what I’m talking about.
Somewhere in the middle is the nonsensical stuff. From what I can tell, it appears I attempted to watch “Black Panther,” but got tripped out when the ship flew by and looked like Santa’s sled. That didn’t make sense to me — and it should not have, because that’s fricking nonsense — so I must have flipped it off at that point.
I then appear to have spent a lot of useless time in my head, pondering the effects of reincarnation. I don’t even believe in reincarnation, but my thoughts on that are pretty clear. I tell myself in my notes that if we reincarnate, I’d like to opt-out of that. I would like a pass on my next lives please, because I don’t want to relive childhood or middle school in particular. That shit ain’t fun.
And, you know, that’s fair. I guess I stand by that with my sober, non-believing self today, too. If we reincarnate, I do not want to opt-in thanks. The idea of having to deal with being 14 again is not appealing.
What is appealing, though, is digging into some more of that Funky Gorilla Wax. That stuff is epic and potent and almost made me lose a lung. I also lost time and space and all my notes, but that seems like a fair trade-off, given the fun it appears I had.
If you’re into concentrates, definitely grab yourself a little bit of this one. It’ll help pass the time — which is my highest priority these days — and it’ll get you super high in the process. Just go easy on the hits with this one at first if you like to breathe. Otherwise, have at it.