Have you ever gotten so stoned that the next morning all you’re doing is trying to follow a trail of (perhaps literal) breadcrumbs to figure out what bullshit you got up to the night before?
Well, friends, that was exactly my experience after popping a few DOSD Edibles Nanobites in the flavor of piña colada one fateful evening. Not because I like getting caught in the rain, as the Rupert Holmes song suggests, but because I am tired of staring at the same four walls of the apartment and I wanted to fantasize that I was on a beach with a drink in hand instead. So, instead of just making said drink, I online ordered me some edibles, cause who needs a hangover in this day and age?
Alos, now that we essentially can’t leave our homes in Colorado, one of the few joys I have left is curbside pick up at a local dispensary.
DOSD Edibles Nanobites come in packs of 10 and are 10 mg each. Guys ... THESE ARE SO GOOD. If I’m being honest, my hopes weren’t THAT high for these. I mean, I was going to eat them either way, but things could have been real dodgy as far as taste goes. Thankfully, it went the delicious route. The surprisingly on point and very fruity direction.
It was also incredibly fast-acting. While most edibles take me at least 30-45 minutes to kick in, these felt more like a mere 15 minutes. This, I found out later, is due to the cannabinoid nanoparticles in these edibles. Apparently, due to magic, er, biology, our bodies can absorb them a lot more easily than unrefined oils.
Not only do these hit you fast, these will also hit you hard. I was innocently tearing through Bob’s Burgers (like I do every day) when my TV literally began to melt. Ya know, as they do. Also, small detail but I forgot how to walk because the earth began to tilt just enough to where my legs no longer had the strength to fight the evil gravity that ensnared only my apartment (I’m assuming). This left me with a rather large problem, as I had a bad case of the munchies and my fridge was a long journey across the room.
After staring long and hard at my TV as the Belcher family battled an army of evil pecking turkeys, I decided it was worth the risk. I was too hungry and bored not to take on this challenge. I rose to my feet and unsteadily made my way across my small apartment. I nearly swayed to the floor when I first got up, but alas, this is also an occurrence that happens regularly when I am sober, so it might not have had much to do with the Nanobites.
Next up, I nearly face-planted when I tripped over a weight I had inexplicably left on my floor. I say inexplicably because ... I don’t ever use them.
But finally, dear readers, I made it to that mother-effing fridge and, from what I remember, I believe I opted for pie – lemon meringue to be exact. The rest of the evening was a blur. It was a lot of hazy in and outs of me stuffing my face with something dairy and/or sugar-related and taking videos of Bob’s Burgers and sending them to my sister. She found my dumb background commentary far more amusing than the pixelated clips I was sending her.
The following morning was basically a game of finding food I didn’t remember eating spread all over my coffee table and uncovering a large number of internet tabs open on my phone on subjects I was apparently reading. I believe at some point I switched over to a true crime show, which led me down more than one dark rabbit hole.
I, for one, am quite thankful dispensaries were spared from COVID-19 shutdowns because I would not have had the pleasure of trying out these beauties. Just make sure once you eat one you plan to stay put for a loooooong time.
Sir Blaze Ridcully