Weed and sex go together like, well … they go together better than just about anything, and I refuse to make comparisons because there ain’t nothin’ like it. Stoned sex is the best sex. If you aren’t regularly smoking weed and bumpin’ uglies, well, my condolences for your wasted life. It’s time to get on that. Yes, I am judging you and you deserve it. I feel sorry for your loins.
If you’re not in the habit of incorporating cannabis into your naughty time, you can remedy that issue with the help of 1906 LOVE chocolates, which are high-end edibles meant to help enhance your sex life. These tiny chocolate gems are filled with THC and a bunch of other botanical aphrodisiacs, including muira puama, which is known as the Viagra of the Amazon and helps to uh, unleash the trouser beast, if you get my drift.
And before you start arguing with me in your head about how edibles mess you up too bad to be able to bone, well, you should know these chocolates are low dose at 5 milligrams each. You will not be too stoned to bone — and as a bonus, they work quickly so you can get down to business with the quickness. Couch lock can’t even set in that quickly. It’s a scientific fact.
How do I know this, you ask? Well, I tried out these mood-enhancing chocolates in anticipation of Valentine’s Day and let me tell you ... the budtender, who told us the tale of their magical junk-tingling magic, was not wrong. Not wrong at all.
Here’s what happened. I picked up a 3-pack of these boner-pill-in-chocolate-form from Prohibition Herb — they come in the 3-pack or a box with one chocolate 10 milligram heart — and popped one in my mouth as soon as I got home. There was no hint of weed taste with these bad boys. So, if your valentine is grossed out by edibles, these are a feasible option.
After I popped it, I sat and waited to hit the proverbial weed wall. Edibles always knock me on my ass — if you were at last year’s Cannabis Crawl you may have come in contact with a stoned, drooling zombie who ate just one cake ball; that was me — so I just kept expecting my arms to be on fire rather than my junk. Spoiler alert: it never happened.
What DID happen, though, was pretty badass. You know all that edible energy that normally pulses through my arms and legs to glue me to the chair? Yeah, homies. It was redirected to my crotch. You’re welcome for the visual.
It happened pretty quickly, too. These chocolates are supposed to work within about 15 to 30 minutes, and I definitely started to feel its magic in that time frame. I’m not sure how long it was, to be honest — I was a little distracted — but I know it didn’t take very long to kick in.
The weird thing was, though, that I didn’t feel high. Not in the way I normally do, anyway. I felt like gettin’ down and dirty, but I didn’t feel high. No cottonmouth, no munchies — nothin’. Well, nothing like THAT, anyway. Other stuff was definitely going on.
And that’s pretty much how it stayed for the next couple of hours or so. At no point did the LOVE chocolates make me feel like Flat Stanley or a cheap cement statue. I just felt good. High in my nether regions. Not in my head or my limbs.
I will spare you the rest of the details, but I will tell you what the budtender told me: these things work. I don’t know how they get all the blood to rush to your pubic enemy, but something in these dark chocolate gems does it. Is it the muira puama, or the THC, or the theobromine, or one of the other junk-focused botanicals? Who knows! And who effin’ cares!
Ultimately, all that matters is these chocolates are crotch-oriented magic bombs full of energy and you will not regret popping one of them. Just warn your partner first so they aren’t confused as to why you want to head to Bone Town at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday. Or, even better, SHARE the damn things instead. I’m sure they’ll find some way to repay you for your kindness.