Edibles review: Newt Bros Truffles
I do not have the best relationship with edibles. It’s not their fault, mind you – it’s mine. I’m terrified that I’ll eat an edible and end up with my arms becoming useless floppy noodles that won’t even grab a cupcake to satiate the munchies. It’s happened before, clearly.
Given that I become a numb-limbed Gumby-human when I take edibles, I’ve steered away from most of them as of late. So, needless to say, I was a little nervous when Prohibition asked us to review Newt Brothers Truffles. You may recognize the Newt Bros name from their concentrates – that’s the main realm these pot pros deal in – but they recently branched out into truffles. I have liked all the other Newt Bros products I’ve tried, so I wanted to have high hopes for them – I did – but I was fricking scared. Edibles have scarred me.
I probably shouldn’t have been as nervous as I was, though, because unsurprisingly, Newt Brothers has done what they’ve done with their concentrates and hit the nail on the head with their truffles. I grabbed a container of the creme brulee flavor on a Friday afternoon – they come in other flavors too, like mint, caramel corn, and peanut butter – and then resigned myself to be uselessly high for the rest of the evening.
First thing I noticed when I popped open the lid was that these goodies actually look like fancy ass truffles you’d procure from a chocolate shop that’s well out of your budget (ie not the Walgreens candy aisle). I could easily mistake these for regular ol’ chocolates, provided I didn’t pay attention to the giant THC label, mind you. After a quick inspection, I tossed one down the hatch and waited for my proverbial arm death. I even made sure to have water near me, lest my stupid appendages refuse to grab a glass and I really did die of a parched mouth.
I needn’t have been so dramatic about the water issue, though, because once these bad boys kicked in, I was super stoned, but not the type of stoned where I feel like my soul has left my broken body. By the way, these kicked in surprisingly quickly and there’s hardly any weed-y taste to them. I could definitely tell they were creme brulee flavored. It felt like a matter of minutes – maaaaaaybe half an hour? – before I started to feel the effects of the truffles. I knew we were headed for stonerville when I got a little blurry eyed, the floor felt like lava, and I was muttering to myself. And you know what feeling like the floor was lava meant? It meant all my arms and legs worked! I could walk – albeit much like a drunken sailor trying to get my sea legs – on said lava floor! Things were already looking up.
My mouth became dry, kinda like I’d licked sand, but it was no issue cause my freaking arms worked to lift my water glass! Thank the weed gods for that. Plus, at no point did I feel like I was sinking into a k-hole or anything. I just felt good. Mellow. High.
I will tell you, though, that while my arms and legs worked, my brain was questionable. I kept catching myself sitting there, eyes closed, thinking I was hearing strange flute music as bright kaleidoscope shapes swirled around in my head. I was not hearing strange flute music, FYI. Not from anything on the outside, anyway. It was all music in my head. My own personal laser light show.
I’ll be honest with you. I’m still scared of edibles, but it looks like I can handle Newt Bros Truffles with no issue. Plus, I get to amuse myself with my own personal Pink Floyd-ish laser flute show. They’re worth trying out, even if you’re tepid about edibles. Those deadly arm-numbing Boulder Bars can go scratch, though. They can go scratch so hard. Newt Bros Truffles for the win.