Who doesn’t like cupcakes? That’s the question I asked myself when I found out we were reviewing Jade & Jane’s new Mini Mocha Cupcakes, which are basically bite-sized cupcakes that are the size of my fingernail but somehow chock full o’ THC – 10 milligrams, to be exact. It’s actually quite impressive if you like edibles.
You may be aware, though, that I’m not a huge fan of edibles based on my prior weed related rants, so I was a little wary about popping one of these cupcakes. I was excited about eating cupcakes for a story, mind you, but I also knew they’d probably make me higher than a kite and I’d be useless for 12 hours or so. The hazards of being a weed writer, I guess.
Anyway, I wasn’t worried enough to turn down the assignment. I tried out one of these bite-sized cakes on a random Friday evening and was surprised at how delicious the tiny cupcake was. It tasted like a mini cupcake, and the frosting was covered in sprinkles that seem huge in comparison to the cupcake itself. I noticed very little weedy aftertaste, and had to stop myself from popping another one with a reminder that 20 milligrams of edibles is entirely too much for my brain to handle.
I thought I’d have to wait at least an hour or so to kick in, but these cupcakes are small and mighty, and I started to feel the effects of the THC after about 20 minutes. The first sign surfaced in my face, which began to feel like it was inflated by helium. Shortly after, everything started to get fuzzy, and I vaguely remember laughing hysterically at the random thoughts that were popping in my head. I’m not sure what I thought was so funny, but whatever it was, it was golden.
After about 45 minutes, the edible had taken over full steam and my arms were the equivalent of pool noodles. My legs wouldn’t cooperate, even though my brain was making demands for more cake (this time sans THC), and I couldn’t even get my fingers to cooperate long enough to send a text to one of my housemates in search of food and water. I was stuck, and I could not freaking unstick myself from where I was stuck, which was basically one corner of my not-so-comfy couch. Fortunately, I had managed to pull up a Facebook page full of stoner memes before my appendages went on strike, and while my hands wouldn’t type, they WOULD scroll, so I had plenty to keep my brain occupied. My stomach, on the other hand, was not occupied by the memes or any delicious cake, other than the tiny one I’d ingested earlier to get me high as a damn Macy’s Parade float. It was a tragedy, really.
At some point my meme scrolling must have lulled me into a deep slumber, but I’m not sure when it happened. I remember laughing at some epically stupid Beetlejuice stoner meme, and then I remember nothing until I woke up in a pool of my own drool. That’s my brain on edibles, folks. I am the frying egg from the 1990s drug scare commercials. Even these tiny cupcakes will do it.
Listen. I like cupcakes, and to be fair to Jade & Jane, I like these tiny weed-filled cupcakes, too. Did they knock me on my ass? Yes. All edibles do. Did I hate it? No. I just wish I’d gotten more cake without THC in it before I was immobile and glued to the couch. If I’d done that, my night would have been perfect.
If you’re planning to eat some of these tiny mind-erasers, arm yourself with some cake and some memes and you should be good to go. Enjoy the noodle-armed nap, friends.