The other night I went on a prolonged rant about how credit scores are ridiculous and intriguing and frustrating and I am still a little embarrassed about it. I’m going to blame it on the Axilla I smoked, courtesy of The Green House in Durango.
I won’t replay the nerded out personal finance rant for you in this review, but I will tell you this: anything that tricks me into thinking that numbers are fun is the devil. The fun devil, but the devil nonetheless.
Here’s the deal. I suck at math. Numbers piss me off, they are not fun, so I don’t know WHERE the hell that rant came from, but it was inside me and Axilla unleashed it. I guess that should be expected from a strain that leans heavily toward the indica properties, but still.
Anyway, it all started when I lit up a bowl of Axilla’s dense little nugs. The bowl smelled a bit like a sour pine forest, which makes no sense but let’s just roll with it. The buds did not taste like sour pine, though. They tasted like, well, weed.
The effects, on the other hand, were not like your typical weed strain at all. They were as confusing and glorious as that sour pine smell. The first thing I felt was high. My arms started to feel like they were covered in tiny fun pin pricks that ran up and down my limbs at will. The second thing I felt was like I needed to cough, deeply and obnoxiously, and it lasted for entirely too long of a stint.
Shortly after I lost one of my lungs to the war that is Axilla I started to feel the high even more, which was about 10 times more evident than it had been before the coughing fit. Everything was funny, from the dog scratching itself to the random one-liners I’d catch from Quagmire and Family Guy, which was blaring in the background. Once that subsided, I felt like the smartest person on earth. So smart, in fact, that I felt it necessary to trap one of my housemates and tell them everything I knew about credit scores and why they are important.
Here’s the gist: I vaguely remember feeling like I wanted to talk about personal finance, probably because I’d read a story on how the FICO scores are going to be changing again and feeling like it was total crap. I have an even foggier memory of subsequently telling them that it’s complete and utter bullshit and completely classist to change up the rules of the credit score game out of nowhere. So, take note, FICO overlords. I’m watching you, I guess.
I also remember them looking at me like I am insane, which I guess is fair considering I don’t normally care about the credit score rules, but I was VERY PASSIONATE about it this day. And then I remember nothing.
Well, nothing other than waking up and feeling like I’d slept for a thousand years. I must have, at some point, IN THE MIDDLE OF MY RANT, fallen asleep only to dream of nothing, credit scores included. I felt refreshed as hell, and like I’d slept for a thousand years.
So yeah. Axilla is one of a kind. It made me care about shit I wouldn’t normally care about and then pass out like I’d eaten 400 sleeping pills. In other words, it was awesome. You should get yourself some of this strain, smoke it, and then impress your friends by completely bullshitting information about personal finance. They’ll love you for it. And if they don’t, at least you won’t remember.