Dgo woarrow

Strain review: Axilla Shatter

Details

Where to find Axilla Shatter: Pagosa Therapeutics, 235 Bastille Drive, Pagosa Springs. Find them at 970-731-4420 or pagosatherapeutics.com

Price: $30 a gram

Strain review: Axilla Shatter

Hi there. I have a little friendly warning for you. I’ll give it to you in two parts. 1.) Go grab yo’self some Axilla Shatter from Pagosa Therapeutics or you’ll regret your life choices, and 2.) ONLY USE IT AT NIGHT. I mean that.

Why do I mean that? Well, friends ... if you smoke it during the day, you’re going to feel great, be super freaking hungry, and then pass out stone cold on the couch for several hours, hours in which you should have been writing or doing the dishes or something.

I luckily did not smoke – nay, vape – this indica-dominant concentrate with 78.1 percent THC during the day because I have learned my lesson with Pagosa’s products. I can only ingest them when I have absolutely nothing to do, or I’ll end up making a total hilarious fool of myself. I vaped it at night, alone, in my room, like a total tool, and it was awesome.

This particular product absolutely turned me into a coughing disaster, mind you, but that’s part of why I smoked alone in my room. (The other part is that I am antisocial.)

And, after it turned my lungs to charcoal bricks, it turned me into a puddle of giggles and interesting theories, which I felt necessary to text out to people because they were to me, at that time, sheer brilliance. You know those strains that make you super creative and convince you that you’re the next Basquiat, or Poe, or uh ... Drake or something? Yep, that’s Axilla Shatter. It will help you channel your inner creative genius, even if you’re the only one who can see it.

It will also convince you that you can hear the chirping of a cacophony of crickets. I was just laying there, basking in my own brilliance, and I suddenly I thought I could hear the mid-summer calls of annoying insects. I looked around, confused at the idea that I could suddenly hear crickets inside my damn house. I think I knew somewhere in my brain that I couldn’t be hearing a bunch of crickets in the dead of winter with several feet of snow and ice looming on the ground, and that sent me into the very best giggle fit.

The faux-chirping quickly waned, though, and in its place, I had an earworm of Sublime’s “Garden Grove,” which played on a loop. I like that song, so I’ll take it, but I can imagine that if the last song you listened to was like, “Macarena” or something, it would be grating. Luckily I’m entirely too cool to listen to “Macarena.”

Anyway, after those two weird auditory things, this shatter kicked back into the optimal indica high. I was feelin’ all of my nerves in my skin, and at one point, I could feel the back of my throat. I opted to kick back and roll with it, which was smart as hell, because I don’t know if I could have used my limbs for much at that point.

I don’t know what really happened from there, other than I passed out at some point in a hardcore sleep coma. And, when I woke up, I was frigging starving. I stumbled to the kitchen, dug out a package of peanut butter crackers, and then ate them in a supine position on my bed. There are still bright orange cracker crumbs on my sheets.

This is a very good shatter, you guys. It made everything, even those fake crickets, better. Just heed my warning and maybe choose a less crumbly snack and you’ll be all good.

DGO Pufnstuf

Details

Where to find Axilla Shatter: Pagosa Therapeutics, 235 Bastille Drive, Pagosa Springs. Find them at 970-731-4420 or pagosatherapeutics.com

Price: $30 a gram