I’ve been told a couple of times that when you smoke Grape God you’ll have to wait a hot minute for the effects to kick in. Apparently my dumb friends all think this strain is a creeper. Well, I can tell you they’re liars and Grape God, an indica hybrid strain created by crossing God Bud and Grapefruit, is not a creeper. It is a hit-you-dead-in-your-damn-face type of high and if you think you have an extra five minutes or so to slump out to the kitchen and grab snacks, you’re wrong. Dead wrong.
I know this because we reviewed Grape God from Pagosa Therapeutics this week, and I was under the impression that I could smoke a bowl of this sweet-smelling bud and still have time to get water and some freakin’ snacks before I was stoned off my ass. As you may have gathered, that wasn’t the case, and my friends are the worst for letting me think that. What actually happened was that I ended up smoking a bowl and then wobbling out to the kitchen, grabbing an apple, and then haphazardly rinsing it off before shoving the entire back side of the fruit in my mouth on the way back to my room. I was an immediate puddle.
And that puddle continued well past my foray into the kitchen, by the way. After the apple debacle, I returned to my bedroom to resume my stoned supine position and things got super fuzzy almost immediately. There is no doubt in my mind that this strain is heavy on the indica properties. I couldn’t move. I felt like I’d been turned to stone by Medusa’s snakes, my arms glued above my head in the spot they’d landed when I threw myself on the bed.
Despite being unable to move, I still felt like every little thing around me was more noticeable than normal, from how cool the pillow was to the drumming on the commercial that was blaring from the TV. You know that scene from “Get Him to the Greek” where P. Diddy is rubbing the fur wall all high? That was my brain. My arms wouldn’t cooperate so I was totally not rubbing my cool-to-the-touch pillow like ol’ Sean Puffy Combs, but I would have if I could have. My senses were definitely heightened from this strain.
And I do mean heightened. You know how I said the drum beat from the commercial was noticeable? Well, by noticeable I really mean that it was thumping in my head, and it sounded like a drum line was looming over my couch-locked body. It was so loud, and I was so hyperfocused on it, that I didn’t even notice what the commercial was about or whether there was any talking occurring. All I heard was drums.
That lasted for what felt like an eternity, and the entire time I was just laying there, confused and stoned, wondering why the drums were so loud. And then, out of nowhere, I heard nothing. I passed right the hell out in that super heavy slumber you get from a good indica strain. I don’t even remember getting sleepy. I was awake while glued to the bed by my mind and then suddenly wasn’t. I woke up the next morning starved but feeling like a new person, one who apparently has supersonic drum hearing.
If you’re a fan of indicas, you’re gonna love Grape God. This strain hit me in the face, turned me into an echolocation-wielding vampire bat who could hear everything, and then lulled me to sleep out of nowhere. If you smoke it, just make sure you have snacks nearby or you’ll wake up feeling like you haven’t eaten for days and resort to eating leftover pasta at 6 a.m. Trust me, I know.