Strain review: Grape Kush
Have you ever smoked something that made you feel like Flat Stanley waving in the wind? Like you’re made of flimsy paper, and every move vibrates through your thin, paper-y body? Like you could be mailed in an envelope and propped up in front of the Eiffel Tower for a photo op, but you can’t straighten out because you’re stoned Flat Stanley?
If the answer to that question is no, you need to get yourself some Grape Kush, cause that strain will make you feel JUST like that, and you’ll love it. And before you say I’m a freaking idiot, I’m not the only one who felt it, thanks. My friends did, too.
So, if you’re not familiar with Grape Kush, here are the details: it’s an indica-dominant hybrid that was created by crossing Romulan Grapefruit and ... you guessed it, Bubba Kush.
I’d half expected this strain to smell like Grape Ape or one of the other fruity, blue-smelling (it’s a thing!) strains, but it didn’t. I picked up this strain last week from our ol’ friends at Pagosa Therapeutics, and because I expected it to smell fruity, I immediately stuck my nose in it once I was back in the car. I was surprised to find that it smelled more like pine needles and dirt, with nary a fruit scent in sight. That’s OK, though, because what this strain lacks in fruit scent it makes up for in effects.
And I mean that. This strain, if you couldn’t tell from my opening paragraph, kicked my actual ass. I smoked it with a friend and we only split one bowl, but by the time we’d cashed it, we were both incredibly high, our heads in the clouds and Cheshire Cat grins plastered across our faces. At some point, the munchies kicked in, but I could barely sit up straight to order food because my body felt like a tiny paper accordion that wouldn’t cooperate with anything but a supine position. I was toast.
And so was my friend, who was laughing hysterically (and for like 18 minutes too long) at the fact that I verbalized feeling like Flat Stanley. Apparently she felt it, too, but couldn’t put it into words. Leave it to a dumb writer to come up with the greatest-worst analogy for being couch locked.
Anywhooo, that heavy feeling one gets from a good indica stuck around for a hot minute, and the haze really didn’t lift much until we’d stuffed our faces full of candy and carbs. And even after a hefty 4,000 calorie meal, it was still kinda hard to concentrate on anything but laughing, so it seemed to only clear a bit. I still felt quite a bit like a paper cutout flapping in the wind, even post meal. It took a serious nap and several glasses of water (damn you, cottonmouth!) to feel like a real, live human again.
Grape Kush may not smell like a buncha grapes, but it certainly made our lives a bit more interesting for a few hours, so I guess I don’t really care what it smells like. It could smell like a giant bouquet of cheesy funk and I’d still smoke it again. I’ll probably hide the takeout numbers next time I smoke it, though. I’m not sure how many more doughy rolls my body can take. The Grape Kush is another story.