Guys. I know we’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again: the peeps at The Green House are definitely trying to kill us with their very potent weed. And we’re all about it!
Confused? Well, let’s start off with a pretty little strain called Guelah OG.
It all began very innocently. We were picking up our next strain review at The Green House in Durango and were handed a gram of this little number. I personally had never been introduced to this strain before, so I was eager to learn.
This indica-leaning hybrid is the result of pairing 12 Year OG Kush and Afghan Ghost OG. These pretty little frosted buds produce a spicy and earthy aroma that carries over when you light them up in a bowl. Sounds like all fun and games, huh? Well, that’s where you’d be wrong.
Amateur and weathered stoners alike be warned: Guelah OG is hella potent. Anyone who wants to walk away (which is very difficult to do after you’ve smoked a bowl of this) with their brain processes intact should probably avoid this strain. If you’re new to the whole pot thing you’ll probably never move again. Hell, even for a big ol’ pothead like me this strain was a lot. And when I say it was a lot, I mean there is very little I remember.
What I do remember is that Guelah OG is a creeper. One minute I was sitting on my patio smoking and wondering what I was going to eat for dinner, and the next I was sending the weirdest animal gifs I could find to my friends (who did not think they were nearly as hilarious as I did).
This strain also comes packaged with a hard-hitting body high. Luckily I was sitting right next to my back door when I started smoking Guelah OG, because if I’d been sitting any further away I probably would have had to crawl back inside.
Any cute little plans I’d made with my evening were gone. I was couch-locked with no hope of reprieve anytime in the near future. Even the simple task of locating and operating the TV remote turned into a massive chore. I might as well have been trying to deep clean my oven whilst juggling three butcher knives and learning how to Dougie. Impossible, I tell you!
Luckily, I did finally manage to figure out my remote controls and spent the evening watching my fellow stoners, Abby and Ilana, on “Broad City” smoke their way from one NYC mishap to another. I vaguely remember laughing to the point of crying but can’t for the life of me remember why or even what episodes I watched. At some point, I eventually crashed.
When I awoke the next morning, I realized that at some point I’d found the will to get up to find snacks. How did I know that? Because I awoke in bed finding myself surrounded by fruit snack wrappers staring up at me accusingly. Nice work stoned self!
Guelah OG is definitely a special occasion strain and it’s one I plan to revisit once I recover from this first round. If you’re the type of person (like me) who needs the occasional mind melt after a chaotic week, day, morning, five-minute period — whatever! — then I highly recommend stocking up on this strain. You’ll never know what hit you.
Sir Blaze Ridcully