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Strain review: Haterade premium rosin lava

Details

Where to find Haterade Premium Rosin Lava: Prohibition Herb, 1185 Camino del Rio, 970-385-8622, prohibitionherb.com

Price: $96 a gram

Caveats: Prohibition didn’t bribe us for a good review. Our opinions are all our own.

Strain review: Haterade premium rosin lava

We would normally steer you away from drinking the Haterade (sorry – I’m so sorry for that cheesy line), but this week, we’re going to encourage you to take a big swig of that salty liquid. Erh, a hearty inhale of that sweet rosin vapor, rather.

You’re probably wondering what the hell we’re talking about, so let me get right to it. This week we tried a little product called Lazercat Premium Rosin Lava, and the strain we grabbed off the shelf was Haterade, a mix of Grape Cookies and Ponzi Scheme. That is the last time I ask our other pot writer, Sir Blaze Ridcully, to go pick up product for me.

Cringy name aside, this rosin lava proved to be well worth the hefty price tag. And Prohibition has three strains to choose from, so if you don’t want to drink that ol’ Haterade, you can opt for one of the other strains and be just fine.

Anywho, you might not be familiar with this product, so let me school you before we launch into our actual review (ie the log of how dumb we are after ingesting THC). Lazercat’s products are made from the flower they grow, which is pressed using 90 micron and larger live heads from their crystal water hash. They heat it to promote THC crystal growth, and the result? Holy hell, you guys. The pale yellow crystalline hash is the most beautiful consistency. And, unlike other concentrates, their rosin lava doesn’t readily degrade, which means you can store it at room temp. No fridge for this bad boy!

I know you’re side-eying me right now, but it matters. You know how some more crystalline concentrates can clog your vape pen and make a huge ass mess? The kind of mess that sticks to your fingers, and your counter, and ultimately makes you want to hurl the pen across the room? Holy Lazercat, does this rosin not do ANY of that.

I used the dab end of a vape pen to inhale this stuff, and it was like pure butter to work with. I just stuck the pen right into the rosin lava and got the most wicked vapor, which took a nosedive right into my lungs.

And, right after my lungs, it routed straight to my brain, which makes sense, considering this Haterade has 79.88 percent THC in it. It didn’t take much to send me to some far-off planet, either.

For real, though. My notes for this strain don’t even make sense. It’s stuff like: “Blaze is humming the strangest song.” and “I felt like we were saying and I’m not gonna say it and it was ridiculous.” I have given up trying to decode them. I think it’s clear we were all high, high, very high.

I remember I had a very dry mouth, which was worsened by the fact that I couldn’t stop laughing at everything. Have you ever seen that Spongebob episode where Spongebob accidentally dries himself out and turns into a dry sponge? That was my mouth.

I also vaguely remember thinking I was drunk – my notes say “I thought I was drunk but I think I’m hig (high).”

I don’t know why I THOUGHT I was high; I was most definitely high. I also most definitely passed right tf out on my face shortly after and slept like a milk-drunk baby.

Is the name of this rosin lava strain dumb? Yes. Is it worth overlooking because of how badass this rosin lava is? Uh, absolutely. There is no shame in my Haterade game.

DGO Pufnstuf

Details

Where to find Haterade Premium Rosin Lava: Prohibition Herb, 1185 Camino del Rio, 970-385-8622, prohibitionherb.com

Price: $96 a gram

Caveats: Prohibition didn’t bribe us for a good review. Our opinions are all our own.