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Strain review: Sour Samoa shatter

Details

Where to find Sour Samoa Shatter: The Green House, 270 E. Pagosa Street, Pagosa Springs, 970-264-3420, greenhousepagosa.com

Price: $25 a gram or $80 for 4 grams; this applies not only to Sour Samoa but ANY Happy Camper or Chronic Creations concentrate at The Green House.

Strain review: Sour Samoa shatter

The other day I ended up being super stoned at dinner, which was badass because I was high as a kite, but also slightly embarrassing when my limbs and lips stopped working. The reason I was so stoned was because I’d decided to indulge in a little Sour Samoa shatter from The Green House prior to sitting down at the table, and, well, it knocked me on my actual ass. And I mean that.

I’d just picked up Sour Samoa earlier that day and hadn’t planned to try it out until later in the evening, mainly because this batch tested at 80.38 percent THC and I knew I’d be a useless pile of goo afterward. That’s not how it went, though, because that beautiful amber shatter – which reeks to high hell like spicy pine needles and grass, by the way – was too tempting. I couldn’t stop myself from digging out a vape JUST IN CASE I wanted to try it out early, and it wasn’t long before the siren’s call of Sour Samoa lured me in and crashed my boat upon the salty shores of Stoned Island. A few solid hits in and I was glued to my dining room chair, having been rendered a useless Alex Mack-like puddle of my former self. (Note: If you’re confused by my Alex Mack reference, it’s time to brush up on your ’90s trivia.)

Oddly enough, though, I wasn’t that hungry, even though there was a huge plate of food in front of me. Usually when I’m super stoned like that, I’m tempted to eat every effing thing in sight, but not this time, friends. Rather than being hungry, I had a massive head high, which kept flowing in and out like TV waves to my brain. I would feel sober and clear-headed, and then it would creep back in, infecting my brain with THC helium. I wanted to join in the dinner discussion, but my mouth wouldn’t cooperate. I flat-out couldn’t form words. I was mush.

I also had a major body high, which caused me to focus on my limbs rather than my food. At one point I felt like I could feel all my bones, and then my brain wandered to that cobwebbed place way in the back, and I found myself pondering the answers to super important questions, like what would happen if you were stoned and you could feel every bone you’ve ever broken. Now that I’m sober I know the answer to that: It would suck. Why the hell would you want all the broken bones you’ve ever had to light up like a weird game of Operation? You wouldn’t. It would feel like shit. But when I was high, it felt like the equivalent of discovering how the pyramids were built. I felt very introspective and philosophical. Reading back on my notes now, though, I mainly just feel like an idiot.

That brain and body high lasted well into the night, by the way, but it didn’t cause me to crash out the way I normally would with a strain this kush-y and heavy. I just sat around, stoned, while wondering about the anatomy of our bodies.

That ain’t too bad of a way to spend your night, if you ask me. You probably won’t want to smoke Sour Samoa shatter if you’re trying to be social or entertaining, but if you just wanna be sky high, this one will do you up just fine. Make sure you’re sitting somewhere more comfortable than a dining room chair when you smoke it, though, cause there’s a good chance your legs won’t cooperate after a few hits. Trust me; I know.

DGO Pufnstuf

Details

Where to find Sour Samoa Shatter: The Green House, 270 E. Pagosa Street, Pagosa Springs, 970-264-3420, greenhousepagosa.com

Price: $25 a gram or $80 for 4 grams; this applies not only to Sour Samoa but ANY Happy Camper or Chronic Creations concentrate at The Green House.