“Oh dear lord. You look so freaking high. I can’t even take you seriously. Please stop talking.”
Those were the words my pot reviewer buddy, Blaze Ridcully, said to me after I smoked a stealth bowl of Strawguava late one night. I hadn’t told Blaze I was going out to smoke, so there was no way it should have been that apparent. No actual way.
But it was, and Blaze was completely amused by it, judging by the cacophony of laughter that followed. Apparently my eyes were squinty and red, and I had that glazed over, happy-as-a-stoned-clam look about me that’s a tell-tale sign of indulging in the devil’s lettuce. Thanks, Strawguava.
No, really. Thanks, because you, my fine sativa-hybrid friend, were awesome. If you’re not sure what Strawguava is, here’s the gist. It’s one of the new strains from Prohibition Herb – pro tip: they’re about to release FOUR badass new batches of bud, including this one – and it’s a cross between Strawberry Banana and Guava/Papaya. Strawguava smells sweet but slightly pungent, which makes sense given the fruity strains used to create it, and it tastes about the same as it smells.
Oh, and it’s a beast. The batch I picked up at Prohibition tested at a freaking huge ass 32.14% THC, which is probably why I looked blazed to high hell. That THC percentage is no joke. It’s much higher than most of the strains we review, so keep that in mind if you’re a newbie.
And, to be fair to Blaze, I was high as hell. I just didn’t realize how clear it was from my facial expressions. I had only smoked a single bowl of Strawguava (because it was effing cold outside; where did fall go?!) but it knocked me on my entire ass. In fact, my notes say: “Wooooof. I am super high.”
So high, in fact, that an episode of The Simpsons tripped me out. Here’s what happened.
After I smoked, I immediately felt that jolt of sativa-bred energy, but the high from Strawguava quickly went down another path. I think it was probably ten minutes or so after the bowl was cashed that I physically felt my eyelids drop like Venetian blinds, and my brain went into the weird cavernous parts where every thought seems brilliant and unusual. I.e. I thought I was a genius.
Well, this genius then decided to park their stoned ass in front of the television and watch a marathon of The Simpsons’ “Treehouse of Horrors.” Not a wise move on my part, as the first episode was the one where Homer decides to eat himself because he’s delicious, and it really screwed with my head, which had at that point gone from brilliant to spacey. I was very, very stoned, and I thought I could feel waves of energy pulsing in my head. (I also thought the writers of The Simpsons were completely screwed up for that episode.)
At that point, I decided that it was probably best to try and take my ass to bed, and that’s basically the last thing I remember. I mumbled something incomprehensible, got up from the couch, and then laid face-down on my bed and passed out. I slept so hard, and woke up feeling like I could sleep for several more hours. I didn’t, though, because work frowns on that, but I definitely COULD have.
So, yeah. Strawguava is an interesting strain. It’s a sativa hybrid that actually acts like a hybrid. It has the best of both worlds and a whole lot of THC, so as long as you don’t try to watch the world’s worst Simpsons episode, you should be super solid with this one. If this is what all of Prohibition’s new strains are like, I’m itching to try the next one.