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Strain review: White Animal Diamonds

Details

Where to find White Animal Diamonds: Chronic Therapy, 1020 S. Broadway, Cortez, chronictherapy.co.

Price: $35 a gram

Strain review: White Animal Diamonds

I woke up in a dead panic from a death-like sleep this morning, and I normally would attribute it to sheer laziness and daylight savings time, but this time I’m attributing it to White Animal Diamonds from Chronic Therapy in Cortez.

Why, you ask? Well, because I vaped some of those shiny yellow diamonds – crystallized extract with super high THC percentages; in this case, 81.02 percent THC – last night before bed and, believe it or not, that’s pretty much the last thing I remember.

I probably should have been more, uh, conservative in my dosing of White Animal, which smelled curiously strong but not overwhelmingly skunky or diesel-y, the two scents that generally warn me to take it slow. It smelled cleaner, more like citrus, and between that and the sticky terpene soup it sat in, I figured I was fine to ingest a lot of it.

Uh, I was not.

A few hits in and I was blazed with a capital Z. My face felt like I was sitting in the direct line of a fan’s airflow, and I felt like my skin was somewhere between on fire (in a good way; alive is a better word, I guess) and numb. I legit felt my eyes lower in one heavy movement, like a sleepy synchronized swimmer couple ... or a very high one. They stayed at half-mast until things went blank, which happened pretty darn quickly after.

But before things go blank, I remember two or three very specific things. I remember hearing a knock at my bedroom door – odd, cause no one was around to be knocking – and I stood there, paranoid, trying to figure out whether to answer it. The high school stoner in me must have emerged, scared of either the cops or the parental figures, neither of which live in my house. And, when I finally did gather up the balls to go answer it, surprise! Ain’t nobody behind it. Just a phantom knock courtesy of my extremely high brain.

The next thing I remember is being convinced I actually wasn’t that high, so I should keep vaping White Animal Diamonds to GET high. Brilliant, right? Anyway, I attempted to vape another rice grain-sized portion, but I couldn’t quite figure out whether I was using the vape correctly. And, by that I mean I couldn’t tell if I was blowing out any vapor. I can almost guarantee I was blowing out vapor, as the pen works just fine, thanks, and I clearly got even higher, but in my stoned mind, it was a puzzle.

The last thing I remember before it all goes black is that I kept hearing drums. Like, not Travis Barker animal-style drumming, but a rhythmic cadence, one that was more ceremonial than musical. As you may know from my other reviews (provided you can bring yourself to read more than one of these dumb things), I don’t live near ANYTHING. There were no drums anywhere near me. Still, I heard them loud and clear.

And then, things go blank.

I have no idea whether I actually passed out at that point or just got so high that I was on another planet, but either way, that’s what happened.

Before you say it’s just my dumb decisions playing in to this equation, though, I have other evidence that this stuff will knock you on your ass, even if you’re moderate about your usage. I gave it to a friend a couple of days prior for kicks while I partook in another strain, and then watched as she proceeded to warble the opening notes to a song from “The Little Mermaid.” I shit you not. She remembers nothing.

So, yeah. Animal is an apropos name for this strain and this batch of diamonds, which will make you hear drums or sing Disney songs very poorly. It’s a fun ass concentrate, but take it slowly, especially if you’re in front of someone. After all, you don’t want your jerk-off friends telling people you sang “The Little Mermaid” every chance they get, now do you?

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Details

Where to find White Animal Diamonds: Chronic Therapy, 1020 S. Broadway, Cortez, chronictherapy.co.

Price: $35 a gram