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Sex & Love

Savage Love: Sleep apnea sufferer wonders whether he can still have rough oral sex

I’m a middle-aged gay man and I was recently diagnosed with sleep apnea. This is a disorder caused by the soft tissue in the throat collapsing during sleep. On top of making me feel tired and awful all the time, sleep apnea is associated with a long list of health complications.

I’m writing you because I’m into very...

There is space in our culture for sexual downtime

How can someone be a sexual being without engaging in sex? In my recent work to debunk myths about heterosexual, cisgender men and their relationship to sex, one of the larger perpetuated myths is that men are “always” sex ready and here’s a pill if that’s not working. My response was nope. Nope. Nope! A man’s worth is not...

Dear February 14th: It’s not you; it’s us

Dear February 14th,

You are the day where we throw little hearts in the air and pressure us to express our love all at once. You ask us to perform perfection with an emotion. You give us one day to express all the little and big things we feel. You tell us to buy roses by the dozen, reserve dinners, present chocolates —...

How to have naked sex outside when it’s freakin’ cold

In an attempt to celebrate winter, as it is winter for the majority of my readers, I’m going to reprise one of my popular columns – a handy guide to sex in the great outdoors. Instead of naked frolicking in summer fields of wildflowers, I’ll be focusing on how to navigate sex when it’s cold outside. It is important to note...

Savage Love: Wannabe cuckold tired of waiting for wife to engage kink

I’m a 30-year-old bi male. I’ve been with my wife for five years, married nine months.

A month into our relationship, I let her know that watching partners with other men has always been something I wanted and that sharing this had caused all...

Gird your loins; we’re feeling feisty

I love the handful of earth you are.Because of its meadows, vast as a planet,I have no other star. You are my replicaof the multiplying universe.

Getting introspective to be a better partner in 2020

It is the time of year where celebrations and indulgences are coming to an end. We are turning into the beginning of a new year faced with at least two months of dieting and exercising ads (read the following in a highly sarcastic voice: so we can become a better version of ourselves). I lament the loss of easy joy, indulging...

A last minute present guide for your lover(s)

Have you waited to the last minute to get your lovers* a present? No worries I have a few suggestions that won’t empty your wallet and can be accomplished in the days you have left until whichever holiday you celebrate arrives.

I recognize that not everyone is interested, able, or at that stage in a relationship where...

Feeling glum about how you look? Try getting naked

When many of us wake up and look in the mirror, we don’t love what we see. And that can be a problem.

According to the National Eating Disorders Association, people with negative body image, regardless of gender, are more likely to develop an eating disorder and suffer from feelings of depression, isolation, low...

Sex on the couch: What a sex coaching session is really like

When I first began conceiving my business plan for Birds and Bees, I was focused on workshops because I love being in rooms with groups of people. It quickly became evident that my joy and ease with sex topics wasn’t always going to lead to rooms full of people. How was I going to meet the needs of individual clients, when I...

Savage Love: Husband’s extreme sexual anxiety is killing woman’s libido

I’m a heterosexual cis woman in a monogamous marriage. My husband and I have always struggled to connect sexually, mostly because he has extreme anxiety that makes doing anything new or different difficult. He’s been in therapy since before I met him, but it doesn’t seem to be helping...

There is no way to measure virginity: not in a box, not with a fox, and certainly not with a hymen

In an effort to be an inclusive and supportive voice in the arena of sexuality, I do a lot of work to temper my feelings on most topics. I write several drafts and attempt to build understanding around the nuance and diverse opinions on a topic. This column is going to look and sound differently because this is a topic that I...

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