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Sex & Love

So you snooped and found something bad. Now what?

Gay, 30-something male in DC. My boyfriend of three years has been acting strange – not taking his antidepression meds, says he’s feeling weird. He has withdrawn from me, sleeps 15 hours a day and has been canceling on commitments to socialize with friends. That I am fine with – he’s blue and I get it. Here’s why I’m writing:...

Where Sherman Alexie steps in to help answer a question

My husband is Native American. I’m white. We’ve been together 16 years, raising a couple of kids. We love each other very much, so this isn’t a deal breaker. I’ve got a thing for his long black hair. He’s a drop-dead gorgeous man, and while I gave up asking that he wear leggings or a breechcloth once in a while, I wish he...

Refreshingly racy: Why I chose to run ‘Savage Love’ in DGO

I’ll admit, there have been some “Savage Love” columns that have made me uncomfortable. There was one, two weeks ago about a practice known as “sounding” (Google it ... but not at work) that I physically had to stop reading, lest I squirm out of my chair onto the floor. And sometimes I just don’t feel like reading such frank...

Can an introvert and extrovert make it work over the long haul?

Gay male in my late 20s. I recently ended things with a guy. Our relationship started as a strictly sexual one. We’re both involved in the kink scene in our city and have interests that align in a particularly great way. Quickly it became clear there was a real connection. The next two months were great! I had a toothbrush at...

And now a few questions from the Savage Love Live audience

A large crowd braved a snowstorm to come out to Savage Love Live at Boston’s Wilbur Theatre last week. Questions were submitted on index cards, which allowed questioners to remain anonymous and forced them to be succinct. I got to as many of them as I could over two long, raucous, boozy hours. Here are some of the questions I...

Advice for the newbies: Don’t attempt to push past the bend

Down to business: Christmas came and went, and every present I bought for my extraordinary husband could be opened in front of our children. He deserves better, and I have a particular gift in mind for Valentine’s Day. My husband has expressed an interest in sounding, something we’ve attempted only with my little finger. He...

Is there a good way to recycle or donate used sex toys?

I am no longer sexually active, but I have a significant collection of sex toys from earlier years. I’m thinking of getting rid of most of them, and it seems such a waste for them to end up in the landfill. What’s an environmentally responsible way to dispose of dildos? I wish there was a place I could donate the dildos where...

Savage Love: Sexual racism is alive and well in gay community

As a queer man of color – I’m Asian – I feel wounded whenever I am exposed to gay men in New York City, Toronto or any city where white gay men dominate. Gay men, mostly whites and Asians, reject me because of my race and no one admits to their sexual racism. I understand that sexual attraction is subconscious for many...

Relationship rules should go both ways with bisexual girlfriend

I am a 30-year-old straight man and I’ve been with a 28-year-old bisexual woman for a year. Early in our relationship, after much discussion, we established that it would be open. I would have the liberty to see other women and so would she. We just had to be safe and always keep each other informed. The key was that she...

Savage Love: Between a rock and hard place with male chastity

After spending some years in the doldrums after having kids, my husband and I are now enjoying hot kinky sex and the occasional free pass to [have sex with] other people. We couldn’t be happier. I have a friend who was extremely keen for me to cage his [rooster] with the same kind of locking male chastity device I got for my...

Savage Love: How to play out rape fantasy? Start by rethinking ‘rape’ label

I’m a straight 26-year-old man who wants advice on helping my fiancée realize a particular fantasy. We have been dating for three years and are in a happy monogamous relationship. I was always vanilla, but she enjoys rougher sex and light bondage. We’ve incorporated some of this into our sex lives, and we are both happy with...

Savage Love: Things to consider before selling your body

I’m a 24-year-old gay male with few resources and no “marketable” skills. I have made a lot of bad choices and now I struggle to make ends meet in a crappy dead-end job, living paycheck to paycheck in an expensive East Coast city. Recently, someone on Grindr offered me $3,000 to have sex with him. He is homely and nearly...

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