Strain review: Poison Punch

by DGO Pufnstuf

Well, you guys. Pagosa Therapeutics is two for two. Last week, their Pachamama sample kicked my actual ass, and this week, we’ve got Poison Punch, a hybrid that ALSO kicked my ass. I’m starting to notice a trend. Here’s what happened.

I smoked a bowl of this pale green, orange-haired beauty with a friend a couple of nights ago, and we cashed one bowl pretty quickly. There was a nice, even burn (also seems to be a trend with this dispensary), and I figured I’d wait a few minutes to see if I needed to load another one. During that brief break, it became very clear that Poison Punch, like its predecessor, is no actual joke. I immediately felt stoned.

We aren’t talking slight head-high stoned, either. We are talking, “holy shit, I can’t control my incessant laughter” stoned. I’d walked inside to get a drink with every intention of going back outside and (probably) loading another bowl, but I never made it that far. I walked into the kitchen, felt my face melt into my body, piled cake on a plate, and then threw myself on the couch dramatically. My smoking partner followed shortly thereafter.

What ensued was nothing but stoned tomfoolery. Perhaps my notes can explain it better.

9:26 p.m. – “I’m real stoned, and I have TV probs.” (The remote was full of trickery, and I could not click the right buttons.)

9:32 p.m. – “Why are the two olds trying to solve this problem. I’m hardcore giggle-bitch and the room is spinning.”

Side note: At this point, I inexplicably decided to remove my glasses to see if they were the problem with my remote confusion.

9:34 p.m. – “I can’t tell if I’m so high that the room is blurry or if I just took off my glasses.”

I’d clearly already taken off my glasses. Apparently Poison Punch makes me a total idiot. And, at this point, I lost it into serious amusement territory. The idea of having gone blind from being stoned was SO funny to me, and I fell into a fit of laughter that felt like it went on for days. I was “Friday” high.

9:42 p.m. – “Whoa. I am very high. My body just felt like it melted inward again starting at my face.”

9:44 p.m. – I felt it necessary to note that I’ve gotten higher than I have EVER gotten on the two strains from Pagosa. Those fools are full of witchcraft and wizardry.

9:56 p.m. – “You know when you’re stoned and you’re not sure if you said your thoughts out loud and were discussing them, or the conversation happened totally in your brain?”

And then, the piece de resistance.

10:06 p.m. – “What the fahk. I just heard my name being called in a creepy troll voice.”

This morning, while sober, I could not tell you what a creepy troll voice sounds like, but in that moment, I knew. Oh, I knew. I also knew it was time to stop taking notes, lest I come off like a total jackass.

I vaguely remember going back for a third piece of cake, I remember being hella cottonmouthed, I remember my friend being as amused as I was, and then I remember nothing. Woke up the next morning feeling like a damn champ, though.

If you’re looking for a strain that smells like delicious fruit punch and will knock you into next year, Poison Punch is where it’s at. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time, and likely won’t until the next batch of magic Pagosa weed arrives. That stuff is dangerous.

DGO Pufnstuf


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