DGO was having its jingle-jangle, jaunty-AF holiday party. The exact location can’t be disclosed, but know it was a Christmas cabin lit to the dickens and garlanded to the max.
There was a thump, a few heavy-shoed stomps, several sneezes, and then an old dude fell down the chimney into the lit fire.
After a flame-smothering ground roll, ol’ Saint Nick stood before us in a dapper, singed suit. Loathe to let an opportunity pass, we asked Santa about his rad style.
“This old suit? Had it about 200 years. Don’t get to washing it much. Don’t need to. Sprinkle a smidge of elf dust on it every so often and I’m smelling like pine just fine.
Everyone thinks Ms. Claus stitched it up for me, but that’s reindeer scat, if I ever heard a pile drop. Made this beaut myself. Looks like red velvet, yeah? It’s actually red bear. They don’t exist anymore. There’d still be this one, but on a snowy midnight, more years back than not, the big ol’ curmudgeon gutted my first Blitzen, ate a leg off Vixen, and tried to gnaw on Rudolph. I shot the crimson beast and I can’t say I’m sorry. Rudolph is a pal of mine and I’d be a damn sight lonelier without him. Waste not want not, I skinned the bear and made a suit. Sure, sure, Ms. Claus added the fur lining, but she’d have to tell you about that. I think it’s from Krampus or some other such critter; I can’t be sure. Memory ain’t what it was.
The boots? Elf-made. I try to buy local where I can. Same with my belt. No. Wait. The belt I got on Etsy, maybe 10 years back. Handmade is next best to local, yeah?”
Interview edited and condensed for clarity.Got rad style or know someone who always looks fab? Send DGO a heads-up on who to interview next at [email protected].Patty Templeton
