Snowdown is upon us and this year’s theme is A Black Tie Affair, and the chilly bacchanalia is celebrating its 40th anniversary. Put on your old-school prom dress, a slick suit, your elegant-ass opera gloves, or whatever the heck you love to fancypants around in, and head to the midwinter shindig.
Here’s a modest selection of our favorite, free-to-freakin’-cheap events to waltz through. There are SO MANY MORE. Head to www.snowdown.org for a full schedule.
A most elegant hot wing eating contest4 p.m., Thursday, Cuckoo’s Chicken House, 128 E. College Drive Mouth-plow chicken, win prizes. It’s that simple. First prize wins a free pound a wings a month for a whole year. Second prize gets you a free pound of wings for six months. Gotta be 18 and up, $8 entry fee, sign-up is at the event, and space is limited to 20 poultry pounders.
Dandy doughnut bobbing6 p.m., Thursday, Rendezvous Doughnuts, 139 E. Fifth St. Lemme blindfold you. Now I’ma tie yer hands behind your back and dangle something sweet to eat in front of you. It might have sprinkles. OK. It’s a doughnut hanging from the ceiling. Eat yours fastest and you could win a free doughnut redeemable whenever. All ages, no sign-up, and free.
Salsa dancing7 p.m., Thursday, Cerda 7 Cantina y Comida, 639 Main Ave.Get on your feet and step to the beat. Come solo or with a partner, just be ready to dance. Cerda 7’s having a salsa night. Best dancers will receive prizes at this free, 21-and-over event. Entry deadline is 30 minutes before the salsa dancing starts.
American Stilleto Warrior7 p.m., Thursday, Billy Goat Saloon, 39848 US HWY 160Men, women, bring your four-inch-tall heels (or taller!) to the Billy Goat for American Stiletto Warrior! You’ll wind through an indoor obstacle course while holding a server tray fulla junk. Top two tall-shoe heroes get prizes at this free, 21-and-over event. Deadline for sign-up is 30 minutes before the wobble-stepping starts.
Drag race and fashion show8 p.m., Thursday, El Rancho Tavern, 975 Main Ave. Tuck and tape what you need to, then slay, baby, SLAY at El Rancho’s annual drag show. First prize is an hour massage from The Spaaah Shop and Day Spa. Sign-up is 30 minutes prior to fashion show, free entry, and a DJ dance party to follow.
Snowdown champagne pong11:40 a.m., Friday, VFW, 1550 Main Ave.Start your Snowdown classy by getting shammered on champagne at the VFW before lunch. Entry is $20 bucks a person and that includes balls and bubbley to fill your pong cups, brunch, and all-you-can-drink champagne. Limited space, so if you wanna buy your tix early, they’re at the Wine Shop. One person will win a grand prize, but everyone’s getting schnockered at this 21-and-over event.
Server races2 p.m., Friday, Steamworks Brewing Co., 801 East Second Ave.The alley behind Steamworks will turn into an obstacle course for servers to haul ass through. If you wanna join in, teams must work at local restaurants and be made up of two folks who identify as female and two who identify as male. Free to watch or participate, 21 and over, sign-up deadline is 30 minutes before event, and first prize is a keg of Steamworks beer.
Snowdown firework and light parade6 p.m., Friday, Main Ave. from College Drive to 12th St. A single firework signifies the start of the parade at twilight. Then the light parade will prance its classy ass down Main. Free to see and all ages.
Pants off dance off9 p.m., Friday, Moe’s Lounge, 932 Main Ave. Take off your pants then bust a move at Moe’s dance contest. Wear a skirt, a loincloth, a top hat over your junk, anything except pants. Must be 21 or over, free entry. No sign-up necessary for participants. Prizes are bar tabs ranging from $25-$75.
Pole dancing contest10 p.m., Friday, Ponga’s, 121 W. Eighth St. Can you slip, slide, and curl around a pole like no one else? Do you just wanna watch? Both men and women are allowed to throw down their sexy best. Sign-up is an hour before, $5 entry (free for dancers), 21 and over, and prizes ranging from $25 to $100 beer tabs.
Snowdown balloon rally and mass ascension 8 a.m., Saturday, U.S. Highway 550 North, north side of Hermosa Meadows Rd.Park at Animas Valley Elementary School and watch hot air balloons sky-dance across the Animas Valley. It’s pretty AF, free, and all ages. Grab you some sky poetry.
Black tie book gamesNoon, Saturday, Maria’s Bookshop, 960 Main Ave.Book nerds, Snowdown hasn’t forgotten you! Gather at Maria’s for speed alphabetization, literary trivia, and more. Sign-up is 15 minutes before event, all ages, free, plus prizes!
Snowdown chili cook-offNoon, Saturday, LPC Fairgrounds, Exhibit Hall, 2500 Main Ave.Nom nom nom, CHILI! Samples start at noon and are 50 cents a pop. Proceeds benefit Snowdown. If you have a badass chili, sign up early by calling Greg Yucha at 382-0788 or when doors open at 7 a.m. day-of. Prizes for first through third place in varied categories.
Dog fashion show1 p.m., Saturday, McDonald’s parking lot, 201 W. College Drive PUPPERS IN COSTUMES! Put your dog in a fancy costume to enter or lurk around with the rest of us who are falling in love with pets since you can’t afford your own. Free, all ages, entry deadline is 30 minutes before event, and trophies awarded for Funniest, Most Formal, Most Look-Alike, and Best Snowdown-themed costume.
Outhouse stuffing 1 p.m., Saturday, Gazpacho’s, 431 East Second Ave. Get your port-a-potty fetish on with a gaggle of your closest, cleanest friends in a newly sanitized outhouse at the 18th Annual Outhouse Stuffing Contest. Must be 21 or over and sign up at least 10 minutes before the free event. You got two minutes to cram in and have to last 10 seconds with the door shut for a chance to win Gazpacho’s gift card prizes.
Cornhole tournament1 p.m., American Legion, 878 East Second Ave. CORNHOLE! It really is meant to be shouted. If you’re prepped to cornhole the hell outta Snowdown, head to the American Legion for their bags tournament. Prizes for first through third at this all-ages, free event, but enter early. Contact Steve Frost at 247-1590 to sign-up on or before Thursday, Feb. 1.
How well do you know (y)our wine?5 p.m., Saturday, Four Leaves Winery, 528 Main Ave. Five bucks to enter and you get to sample four wines at Four Leaves Winery. If you can name three wines correctly, you win a coupon for a glass of wine. Name all four? Get a free bottle-o-wine. 21 and over, obvs. No sign-up needed.
Booty shakin’ contest7 p.m., Saturday, Wild Horse Saloon, 601 East Second Ave. Twerk it, bump it, grind it, work it – move your ass. You’ll go head-to-head in this bootypalooza in three timed heats. You gotta be 18 or over to enter, $5 entry fee, and prizes for best male and female rear-work.
Costume gala8 p.m., Saturday, Derailed Pour House, 725 Main Ave. Derailed gets m-effin fancy with the Ninth Annual Costume Gala. Dress to the nines for this free, 21-and-over event and you can win prizes.
The Guinness Games – Yahtzee8 p.m., Irish Embassy Pub, 900 Main Ave.You can have a team of four or come solo to the Irish Embassy for Yahtzee! Be there 15 minutes before the event to sign up because board-gaming is starting on time. Free event for the 21-and-over crowd with prizes for first through third place.
Pancake breakfast and silent auction7 a.m.-noon, Sunday, LPC Fairgrounds, Exhibit Building, 2500 Main Ave.It’s Sunday. Shove all-you-can-eat pancakes on top of that hangover. For $10 you get pancakes, ham, eggs, coffee, and juice with proceeds going to Snowdown and LPC Search and Rescue.
BonusThink you could do better on a Snowdown theme? Submit ideas for the 2020 Snowdown to Magpie’s, 707 Main Ave., no later than noon on Sunday, Feb. 4. No obscene ideas or themes repeated from previous years.
Patty Templeton
