Strain review: Bruce Banner

by DGO Pufnstuf

What’s big, green, and known to smash things at the drop of a hat? No, it’s not the Hulk. It’s Bruce Banner, the cannabis strain named AFTER the Hulk. And oh, what a fitting name it is.

Like, for real. If you want a strain that will amp you up, and give you the power of that genetically-modified green monster we know and love, you should pick up some Bruce Banner. It is no joke, you guys.

This strain is a sativa-leaning hybrid, created by the cannabis gods with a mix of OG Kush and Strawberry Diesel, two potent, unique strains. The combo gives the strain a sweet diesel gas smell, with an underlying hint of citrus. The buds are dense and dark, and filled with THC.

Like, a lot of THC. The version we reviewed can come packing up to a whopping 26 percent THC, which means this strain ain’t for the faint of heart. Or the people who want to go to sleep.

There is no sleeping on Bruce Banner, which I (idiotically) smoked at 9 p.m. on a Monday. I knew the rumors of its potency, and I knew it was one of those strains rumored to give you a jolt of productive energy, so I figured it would be best to test it when I’m dog-tired and ready to collapse.

That probably wasn’t so smart. I smoked a little, and then I smoked a little bit more, and I tried to be patient before lighting up again, but I wasn’t. I ended up smoking a LOT of this stuff, and was up for HOURS after, cleaning and humming along quite nicely, like the Little Engine That Could, only in reporter form. My fridge is now super clean, as is my stovetop, and I now have a massive pile of clean laundry waiting for me to fold when I get home. Thanks, Banner. Thanks for the extra chores.

Oddly enough, though, while this strain was a jolt of caffiene (and by that I mean 17 espressos and a bucket of sugar), it didn’t make me antsy or wound up. I was focused and I had a plan. That plan was for me to finally do all of the things I’ve been avoiding for weeks. Mostly laundry.

If the Hulk had landed an eighth or so of some of his namesake’s weed, he probably would have been way more effective at that whole, “Hulk, smash!” business. Instead of just busting up buildings all willy-nilly, he could have had the ability to pick and choose whose stuff he was effing up, which probably would have made him more endearing to the general public. He likely also wouldn’t have been wound up like a damn cord. He would have just known what to smash, and when. Kind of like how I smashed my laundry. But alas, old Hulk didn’t have any Bruce Banner, so he was just a massive green misfiring firecracker instead.

That is not likely to be what you turn into if you dig into some Banner. You will be able to channel the energy that normally seeps away as you avoid life, and will become a productive member of society instead. And this strain didn’t just affect me like this; it’s known for turning couch potatoes into machines of mass cleaning destruction, machines bound and determined to scrub, or at least scratch things off that miles-long to-do list.

Beggars can’t be choosers, you guys. I got what I asked for, which was for Bruce Banner to show me its power. And it did. It really did. Now who’s up for helping me fold a million pairs of very clean jeans? Anyone?

DGO Pufnstuf

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