I spent the night before the 2020 presidential election laughing, and laughing, and laughing some more. No, I wasn’t losing my mind over the stress and uncertainty of the election — which is stressing out tons of Americans on both sides of the fence. I was high.
Well, I was high on a hybrid strain of weed called Mac & Cheese, to be exact. And I wasn’t laughing out of some strange fear response — I was laughing because I’d inadvertently eaten a Zombie Skittle while stoned.
Let me explain. This all started a few weeks ago when I decided that it would be a high-larious move to buy a huge-ass pack of king size Zombie Skittles on Amazon.
Now, you may not be familiar with Zombie Skittles — I sure wasn’t — but here’s what they are. These Skittles are a special edition release for Halloween, and the bags each contain a special surprise: Skittles that look like normal, delicious, fruity Skittles, but taste like zombie flesh and death. I’m not kidding. These things are freaking RANK.
My plan was to pass them out to a few unsuspecting friends, and maybe even some good-natured teenagers who stopped by on Halloween. But, since 2020 is the year of garbage and COVID cases have skyrocketed in recent weeks, Halloween rolled around and I had nary a trick-or-treater. There was no one to surprise with my nasty Skittles! There was no one to hand out the regular candy to, either — so I ended the night with, I shit you not, 425 pieces of gross mixed candy (via the Walgreens run on Halloween) and a huge box of king size Zombie Skittles. Not surprising, but still annoying.
I knew to avoid the rancid Skittles packages when I was sober. When I was high, though? That was another story entirely. I found this out after I smoked some Mac & Cheese from Green House for this review. Things started off tame enough. I popped open the lid to the Mac & Cheese container and was not surprised to see a long, orange bud waiting for me. This strain is named Mac & Cheese, after all — and to me, the weed looked kind of like an old Cheeto.
I’m sure it smells like an old Cheeto too, but I can’t smell the cheesy strains in normal times. And now that I’ve had COVID and can’t use my nose? Well, there’s no chance in hell I’ll identify that funky smell. But between the name and the look of this strain, I can tell you it’s cheesy.
I can also tell you that it’s hella potent — which makes sense when you consider this strain’s origins. This strain’s parents are The Mac and Alien Cheese, two potent-ass strains. And the container notes that there’s a whopping 26.8% THC in this batch of Mac & Cheese, which is a lot of freaking THC. I knew what I was getting into, I guess.
Anyway, I tossed some of this bud into a dry herb vape and was immediately stoned after a few hits. I was also coughing up a storm, to the point where my housemate asked if I was OK … repeatedly. An obnoxious amount of times.
I was fine, but I’m not sure my lungs will ever be the same. One of them is sitting in the chair next to me as I type this, and he looks haggard as hell. So, you should know that not only is this strain strong, it packs a gotdang punch to the lungs. Smoker beware, I suppose. Don’t smoke this one if you’re trying to be discreet with your pothead habits.
And that’s where things got sticky. I was super stoned, super quick — which led to a ripe old case of the munchies. I ran to the kitchen to grab some snacks, and what caught my eye? You guessed it. All that stupid Halloween candy. I grabbed what felt like an armload of gross Laffy Taffy, Gobstoppers, Sprees, and other junk, and I inexplicably grabbed a pack of Zombie Skittles, too. I’m blaming the bleary eyes from the weed.
I loaded up on all that dumb Laffy Taffy while laughing at stupid posts on Reddit, and when I’d exhausted my supply of miniatures, I absentmindedly ripped into the Zombie Skittles and tossed a few into my gullet.
The first round was fine. No funk-ass Zombie Skittles to be seen. That second handful, though? That’s when it hit me: rotting garlic, smelly feet, dirty cheese, onions, and some other awful combo of trash and bad breath. Zombie Skittles SUCK.
I was so stoned, though, that I didn’t gag. I just laughed. And laughed. And then cry-laughed as I tried to explain to the ol’ housemate what had happened. I’m not sure I got through the full explanation, though. I couldn’t stop belly-laughing long enough to talk in full sentences.
And then, after laughing nearly half to death, I passed out and slept like a baby. Woke up this morning feeling like a damn champ.
Listen. Don’t buy Zombie Skittles. Ever. They’re nasty as hell, they aren’t kidding, and frankly, they should be illegal. But I did it to myself by trying to be funny with my Halloween candy. I won’t be buying those filthy things again, but I will be investing in a lifetime supply of this Mac & Cheese strain. If it managed to make the world’s grossest candy tolerable during the world’s most stressful time, it can do anything. Mac & Cheese can do it all.
DGO Pufnstuf
