The weekend before I went into all-out social isolation due to COVID-19, I was on the hunt. Not for scant toilet paper or pasta, mind you, but for some weed. See, while I’m already a bit of a complete and total hermit, the idea of zero human contact for weeks indefinitely sounded, shall we say, depressing, and I was hell bent on digging deep into my green stash.
It was time to visit a dispensary and stock up like a redneck convinced the government is about to take away his second amendment rights. When I arrived at my local haunt, it appeared that everyone else had the exact same idea. I found myself in line with a bunch of equally anxious-looking patrons who were as eager to maintain their distance as I was. What a time to be alive.
After a bit of a wait, I finally made it to the front of the line, where a very helpful budtender awaited. I grabbed a couple of grams of the strains I knew to be tried and true, but I needed to freshen up on my edible game. My budtender immediately knew what to recommend: Blue Kudu’s Fruit Juiced Gummies, the watermelon-lemonade flavor.
Not only is this sativa gummy vegan and gluten-free, but it’s also made with 25% fruit juice (which may have been what officially sold me). There’s a little more than 5 mg per piece and the bag comes with 20 pieces total. This would last me a whole three days, maybe even just one, depending on how delicious they were.
And delicious they were indeed.
The cannabis industry is really upping their edibles game. I don’t know if I can stress enough how good these gummies taste. The watermelon-lemonade blend is completely seamless. If you handed me a handful of these edibles and told me they were regular ol’ fruit snacks, I’d believe you in a heartbeat. That’s how smooth and non-weedy they tasted. Sweet and juicy. Just like your mom.
Some edibles seem to take hours to kick in, while others hit you like a bus after 10 minutes. These edibles took about an hour before I felt their slimy tentacles over my brain, and um, I was completely done for.
Short and simple, I was an utter dumbass on these gummies. Truly. It was pathetic. I could barely remember my own name, let alone recall what activity I was doing from one moment to the next. For example, I went to fetch something about six feet away, and by the time I got over there I had completely forgotten what I was looking for, walked away, remembered again, walked back, and repeated the process. The sativa had done its dirty work. My headspace was a woozy, hopeless case.
Also, HOLY MOTHER OF ZUUL THE COTTONMOUTH. In fact, after writing that sentence I took a huge swig of water at the memory. If you’re going to drown your loneliness in these edibles, be sure to have several gallons of water at the ready. I wish I was exaggerating.
And yet, these dopey, dry-mouthed experiences did not keep me from devouring the entire bag over the next several days because, dear reader, they were so damn delicious.
There are no ragrets here when it comes to Blue Kudu’s Fruit Juiced Gummies, except for that I only bought one bag. Also, maybe that I had no one to share them with. But learn from my mistakes, and next time you find yourself able to visit a dispensary, be sure to pick up multiple bags of these magic gummies.
Sir Blaze Ridcully