Your life, like many American lives, may feel uncertain. Nah, let’s be blunt. Your life sucks, or at least, it feels like it does. You can’t quite pay for both toilet paper and the whiskey. GD white supremacists are on the rise, persons repeatedly accused of sexual assault are being appointed to political power, there’s no such thing as a work raise, and – the effing president can now not just tweet, but text you.
Ain’t that some bullshit.
Which is why you need to see GWAR. Sure, you’ll probably get soaked in spunk, blood, and Eris only knows what other effluvia, but the intergalactic mutant Scumdogs will lead you into oblivion through heavy metal, rather than whatever walk of never-gonna-get-there the American Dream has become.
Don’t know GWAR? A brief primer: Millennia ago, grotesque aliens conquered Earth. They built shit, ruined it, rebuilt civilization, and banged some apes, thus creating humanity. Betwixt that hideous mix, they rocked the fahk out. You may or may not have time to spin their newest album, “The Blood of Gods,” before they annihilate Earth (again).
DGO put our lives in the interplanetary hooves of lead singer The Berserker Blothar to chat on politics, Nazis, and how swiftly GWAR would eradicate humanity if they took the Oval Office instead of toured.
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If American politics were a crap, what kinda crap would it be? It’s definitely a sweaty, humid, dripping, fart-in-an-outhouse, yellow-jackets-stinging-your-nuts kinda crap.
What’s GWAR’s stance on punching Nazis? On punching Nazis? We love punching Nazis! I have a punching-Nazi in my playroom. It bounces up and down. I think punching Nazis is fine. I think eviscerating Nazis is fine – if the Nazi is actually a Nazi.
What other tactics do Scumdogs have in dealing with racist, homophobic humans? Well, I mean, GWAR’s always been an underdog. We are on the side of the underdog.
Generally, we bring people on stage who have offended us deeply, or who have not offended us, even people we love dearly. We bring them on stage, and we decapitate them. Sometimes we stomp their stomachs open and pull out all of the entrails. Sometimes maybe we play keep away with their severed head. That’s generally how we deal with things.
We work through it.
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Is it appropriate to publicly eat the entrails of a fascist to discourage future dictators? [Chuckles] I think it is appropriate.
We have had Trump come [on stage]. He’s one tough son of a bitch, I’ll tell you that. We’ve probably killed him 125 times now. Sliced open his stomach, ripped out the entrails, ripped his face off, smacked him around a bit, and there he shows up at the next gig. It’s amazing.
I’m afraid he won’t die. I’m afraid he’s not gonna go away even when he’s gone. That’s what I’m worried about.
As an interplanetary warrior, i.e. illegal alien, how do you feel about Trump’s immigration policies? I mean, I don’t think Donald Trump gives a shit about illegal immigrants coming into the country. I don’t believe that for a second. I think it’s all about having something to say that backs people into fear. I think it’s the idea of trying to hold on to power.
GWAR, we kill everybody. We don’t care who it is. As far as us being illegal aliens and Trump’s immigration policies, every night we bring Trump on stage, we confront him, I tell him I think he’s a racist. I tell him I think that he’s an idiot. He tries to convince us otherwise. We have a fight. He gets killed.
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If it was the GWAR administration, would Flint, MI have clean water? If GWAR were in the presidency right now, Flint, Michigan wouldn’t exist, I’m afraid. I don’t think anything would exist if GWAR were president.
We can talk shit, but there’s no way I would want that job, I can tell you that. We have a song about it, “El Presidente.” We talk about what GWAR might do. I think we’d probably be a lot like Trump – extremely bored because we’d rather be snorting cocaine off a prostitute’s tits. We’d rather be flying around in our bat-shaped helicopter playing golf with Red Buttons.
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So President Blothar wouldn’t provide free public college or a living wage either? We’d probably just blow everything up. That’s what GWAR is. That’s what GWAR does. It’s who we are.
If you could have a closed door meeting with President Trump, what would be discussed? If I had a closed door meeting with Donald Trump, I’m gonna get a blowjob, I can tell you that. That’s pretty much the end of the story. That’s what is discussed.
I’d whip out Clinton’s cigar. I’d make [Trump] take a crap on a glass table. You think he likes getting pissed on? We’ll see how he likes getting pissed on when it’s me who’s doing the pissing.
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Would space milk be involved? Yes, from my wiener-udders. My wiener-nips. Yes.
Have you had any trouble being accidentally hunted as big game?I’ve been lucky. Things have been going OK. I don’t go outside much anymore because I’ve learned my lesson. Basically, if I go for a walk, some redneck somewhere’s going to try and mount the ultimate trophy. Really, I just stay in and dig tunnels everywhere.
Any favorite tunnels? I like the tunnel that leads to the store where I can buy pornography and whippets. I like the tunnel that is the Tunnel of Fudge. And, I like the Tunnel of Love. Because I’m a romantic.
You a Wanda Jackson fella? Would Ms. Jackson survive a GWAR-pocalypse? Probably, yes she would. I would cradle her and take care of her lovingly. It’s a simple matter of who gets what, when, and how. Wanda Jackson would probably get, for at least a little while, some love and affection.
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GWAR’s had a fair amount of success – lived for millions of years, dominated universes. How do you measure your success? And, did you get there by pulling up your own bootstraps? Pretty much by PSI. How far can it shoot? That’s how we measure our success.
America has this mythology that people like to believe – and maybe it’s true – maybe this place was a place where you could work and see value for your work, at one time – but it’s not that way now. The bootstrap ideology is exactly that. An ideology. A way that they managed to convince people not to turn their faces toward government and say, ‘What the fuck are you doing? Why are you letting this happen?’
GWAR has to give it up to the cabal of elites – those in charge of things in this country. They’ve done a very good job, over the years, of convincing Americans that any suffering they have is their own fault. It’s laziness. It’s character flaws. That’s unfortunately the other side of the American Dream. The other side of the American Dream is that if it doesn’t happen to you, it’s your fault. Even if what happens to you is that you’re bankrupted by a medical crisis. Even if what happens to you is you take out student loans and find yourself unable to buy a house or pay into your retirement.
GWAR watches these things happen. GWAR wants to restructure the American Dream. We want everyone to –
Have PornHub and Cheetos? Porn kills love. I’m here to tell you that. I don’t have any love anymore thanks to porn. People just use me. I’m a fetish object.
Your Space Moose ween-nips are a specialized anatomical force in the universe.I’m kind of the ultimate bear, really, what it comes down to. Bagging Blothar is a big trophy.
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If you were the trophy teacher of a university, what class would you teach? Animal husbandry, to be honest.
I’ve always really loved that word and don’t even know what it means, but being a husband to animals sounds like a great thing.
But Blothar is a mother. I have had several litters, I suppose you’d call them.
Are you finally claiming a certain bandmate as a son?!Beefcake the Mighty? No. He’s not my kid. Not at all. Doesn’t make any sense in the timeline. I’ve thought about it a lot. I know he wants me to acknowledge him, but I’ll die first. Imagine the child support.
Does GWAR believe that any news that talks shit about them is fake news? No. If people talk shit about us, it’s probably true.
Is there any last political GWAR stance you’d like to ejaculate?GWAR doesn’t really have a political stance. We’re political in the sense that all things are political, but GWAR is chaotic neutral. We do what the fuck we want to do. We hope that the world doesn’t grow into a sourpuss, grim, no laughter world. Stopping laughing at yourself is stopping laughing at GWAR because that’s what GWAR is. It’s human folly incarnate.
GWAR dramatizes power imbalances. It shows power doing what power does – which is abuse. I would hope that people always understand that GWAR is exactly what I said when I started speaking – on the side of the underdog.
