Love it or hate it: Protein shakes

by Patty Templeton

Love itFive outta seven days a week I suck at eating. Don’t get me wrong, I dig food. Shove a pile-o-mashed taters in front of me and I GLOW. It’s just that I get my ass in a work chair and don’t get up till it’s quittin’ time. I always can make time for break-room coffee, but I can’t get my shit together enough to pack up those fancy, Pinterest lunches that you pre-make on Sunday and eat all week.

This ain’t a good pattern to get in, especially for my vegan-ass, which requires fooding and snacking on the reg.

Enter: PROTEIN SHAKES! Specifically, right now, Vega One, an all-in-one meal replacement shake that has 20 grams of protein, only a freakin’ gram of sugar, and f-tons of vegetable-based noms for my body. Favorite flavor? I’m boring, I love French Vanilla, or, more recently, chocolate.

Vega’s the Cadillac of vegan protein shakes. Mix that blessed powder with soy milk and YOWZA, a quick, tasty lunch is had.

Not all protein shakes are created equal. Most of them are chock fulla sugar and they ain’t healthy, let alone vegan. The only other one I wanna try is Soylent Meal Replacement Drink. (It’s not made of people.) Downside, it’s got 9 grams of sugar to Vega’s 1 gram, but there is a COFFEE FLAVOR. So, it’s gonna happen. I’ll let you know if it’s as rad as Vega.

::high fives for protein shakes::

Patty TempletonHate itIf you ever see me in person – or the shadow my robust midsection creates – it’s clear I don’t miss too many meals. This is why anything billed as a “meal replacement” in the form of a powder that you mix with some form of liquid is repugnant to me.

Meals – even the sad sandwich (sadwich) of Tofurkey cold cuts and cheese I eat at my desk – are to be savored. A protein shake? That’s not a meal. For one, meals must involve chewing … unless you are among the infirm (though my blessed protein-shake-eating colleague P. Templeton seems to have to chew her “meals” from time to time).

No one I’ve ever known who subjects themselves to regular protein shakes actually enjoys them. They tolerate them. They choke them down for some greater purpose that never seems clear, other than to “power through” something.

If saving time or slimming down requires mixing a chalky powder into liquid, count me out.

David Holub


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