This year’s Fashion Do’s and Don’ts was a smorgasbord of scrunchies, neon and thong leotards paired with colored tights. On Wednesday at La Plata County Fairgrounds, respectable citizens of Durango got drunk at noon and strutted their stuff on the catwalk. The Exhibit Hall was decorated with tacky nostalgia cutouts of Pac-Man, the Ghostbusters logo, and a life-size, shirtless cardboard replica of Fabio.
Hazel Owen and Kim Oliger started off the show with their creative “Cube Couture,” decked out in colorful, checkered, all-Rubik’s cube outfits (did you know Justin Bieber can solve a Rubik’s cube in less than two minutes? Surprising, huh). Doug and Diana Wright danced to Billy Joel’s “Uptown Girl” as everyone’s favorite muppet couple, Kermit and Miss Piggy; Kermit in a homemade froggy mask, Piggy with a pink feathered boa and cute little pig ears on her hat.
Cheryl Schlabach, Donna Gulec and Jack Peterson played the crew from “Three’s Company” (brunette Janet, blonde Chrissy and Jack), all dressed in bathrobes. “We thought you were gay!” the MC Margaret Leeder quipped to Jack.
In “Tacky Boys,” older men in tutus gyrated slowly down the runway (Roc Simmons, Chris Farley and Bob Thom). A very tall Rainbow Brite made an appearance (Justa Whitt) complete with magic wand, rainbow ribbon curlings in her hair, and stripes painted on her arms and legs.
“Roller Size” was particularly impressive; Shaheen Hood, Stephanie Roberts, Alison Roush and Leslie Emerson kept their balance on roller skates throughout the coordinated routine – even laying down on the catwalk to do synchronized moves with their legs in the air.
“Dirty Laundry” starring Anne Dickson, Beth Wyman and Kim Oliger had a local news bent, with a Durango Herald sandwich-board advertising the Animas River spill, and a hamper filled with dirty laundry – bras and panties were tossed periodically into the crowd (the spill is Durango’s “dirty laundry.”)
Kristi Zink did justice to Hulk Hogan, dancing to Queen’s “We are the Champions,” sporting fake muscles and a blonde moustache. The MC even broke a chair over his head.
Finally, Sandra Shellnut strutted her stuff in “Made for Walkin,’” boots hanging from her boobs (with the heels sticking out, they could’ve almost doubled as weapons).
Anya Jaremko-Greenwold
