“How would you like some high quality cocaine?” the budtender asked, laughing as he handed me the tiny container of Harmony Extracts THC-A Crystalline.
“Holy crap. It does look like cocaine,” I said, trying to hide my nerves under a thick layer of false bravado. “I’m excited to try it.”
We’re friends, so I’m not going to lie to you the way I lied to that budtender. I wasn’t excited to try this product from Prohibition Herb. I was freaking intimidated.
I hadn’t even heard of a thing called THC-A Crystalline, and a quick search of the Internet didn’t provide much insight, other than it’s a concentrated form of THC-A, the cannabinoid in weed that turns into THC when combusted, and that the product kinda looks like meth. I also found out it’s been banned in Michigan, which is dumb.
Oh, and I also found out that THC-A Crystalline is pure hash – the purest form of concentrate that it’s scientifically possible to make – and its THC content is freaking 99.9 percent. See why I was intimidated? I am a wuss.
The Internet was not lying, by the way. The clear white crystals in the container did kinda look like meth, and they didn’t smell like anything. Doesn’t weed normally smell like something? I believe it does. In fact, my closet, where I store my airtight containers of flower and concentrate, can attest to it.
But, apparently THC-A isn’t supposed to smell like anything. It has been split apart from any terpenes, so these tiny clear crystals smell like…nothing. This product doesn’t taste like anything, either.
Oh, and it doesn’t matter what strain you use to extract it. The high from THC-A will ALWAYS BE THE SAME. Because it’s an isolated cannabinoid, the only high you’ll get from it is what THC – pure THC, with no other cannabinoids involved – gives you. Weird, right?
So, anyway, I’m here to try things, and I was supposed to try THC-A, nerves or otherwise. It has to be heated to get you high, which meant I had to dab it. But first, I had to get the lid off.
That was a much harder task than I expected. I had several adults try to get the damn lid off the tiny white container, and not one of us could break the code. It took a solid 20 minutes, and when we finally did get the container open, I was straight up scared. I’d looked at it in the dispensary, but at home, this stuff looked tiny and fragile. I just knew I was going to spill it everywhere.
Spoiler alert: I didn’t spill it everywhere. I heated the dab rig, tossed in some cool-looking little clear chunks of THC-A, and inhaled. I tasted nothing. I was surprised to see white vapor exit my mouth when I exhaled. I tossed another tiny nugget of THC-A into the dab rig and inhaled. Still no taste.
After the second round, I was definitely feeling the effects of this strange crystal form of THC. My eyes started to feel a bit wobbly, my head cleared out, and while I can’t really explain HOW I felt, I knew I was high. It was a streamlined feeling, if that makes any sense at all. I felt high, but I didn’t feel giggly or like my head was a balloon. I just felt high.
I also felt super agreeable, which, if you ever read this column, you know is rarely the case. I was cool to do whatever. Wanna watch dumb shit on TV? Cool. Let’s do it. Want to eat the rest of the apple pie from Thanksgiving? A’ight. Let’s do it. Want to make butter out of the leftover freaking heavy cream in the fridge just because? Hell yes. Let’s do it.
I don’t know what I can tell you other than it made me a pleasant ass person who was also high. I was chill. I was down for whatever. I wasn’t starving, but pie sounded like a killer idea anyway. E’rything was good.
Anyway, turns out the only thing I should have been intimidated by with THC-A was the freaking lid. Everything else was so easy. Dabbing it was easy, feeling the high was easy, I became easygoing. It’s definitely a different high than I’ve ever had, but that’s kinda super badass. Reviewing weed, while the best effing job ever, can get kinda monotonous, and this one certainly threw me out of my element. I can dig it.