Ed. note: This review is an oldie but a goodie. This is what happens when your resident potheads take vacations. Tsk, tsk. But don’t worry! They’ll be back next month with more nonsense. For now, enjoy!
Have you ever gotten so stoned that the next morning all you’re doing is trying to follow a trail of (perhaps literal) breadcrumbs to figure out what bullshit you got up to the night before?
Well, friends, that was exactly my experience after popping a few DOSD Edibles Nanobites in the flavor of piña colada one fateful evening. Not because I like getting caught in the rain as the Rupert Holmes song suggests but because I am tired of staring at the same four walls of the apartment and I wanted to fantasize that I was instead on a beach with a drink in hand.
So, instead of just making said drink, I online ordered me some edibles instead cuz who needs a hangover in this day and age?
Besides, now that we essentially can’t leave our homes in Colorado, one of the few joys I have left is curbside pick up at a local dispensary.
DOSD Edibles Nanobites come in packs of ten and are 10 mg each. Guys… THESE ARE SO GOOD. If I’m being honest, my hopes weren’t THAT high for these. I mean, I was going to eat them either way, but I could have seen it going either way. Thankfully, it went the delicious way. The surprisingly on point and very fruity way.
It was also incredibly fast-acting. For me, most edibles take at least 30-45 minutes to kick in, but I felt these in like a mere 15 minutes. This, I found out later, is due to the cannabinoid nanoparticles in these edibles. Apparently, due to magic, er, biology, our bodies can absorb them a lot more easily than unrefined oils.
Not only do these hit you fast, but these will also hit you hard. I was innocently tearing through Bob’s Burgers (like I do every day) when my TV literally began to melt. You know, as they do. Also, a small detail but I forgot how to walk because the earth began to tilt just enough to where my legs no longer had the strength to fight the evil gravity that ensnared only my apartment (I’m assuming). This left me with a rather large problem as I had a bad case of the munchies and my fridge was a long journey across the room.
After staring long and hard at my TV watching the Belcher family battle an army of evil pecking turkeys, I decided it was worth the risk. I was too hungry and bored not to take on this challenge. I rose to my feet and unsteadily made my way across my small apartment. I nearly swayed to the floor when I first got up, but, alas, this is also an occurrence that happens regularly when I am sober, so it might not have had much to do with the Nanobites.
Next up, I nearly face-planted when I tripped over a weight I had inexplicably left on my floor. I say inexplicably because…I don’t ever use them.
But finally, dear readers, I made it
to that mother-effing fridge and, from what I remember, I believe I opted for pie – lemon meringue to be exact. The rest of the evening was a blur. It was a lot of hazy in and outs of me stuffing my face with something dairy and/or sugar-related and taking videos of Bob’s Burgers and sending it to my sister. She found my dumb background commentary far more amusing than the pixelated clips I was sending her.
The following morning basically involved me finding food I don’t remember eating spread all over my coffee table and a large number of internet tabs open on my phone on subjects I was apparently reading? I believe at some point I switched over to a true-crime show which led me down more than one dark rabbit hole.
I, for one, am quite thankful that I have virtually become a shut-in these days, as I would otherwise have been at a bar to satiate my hankering for pina coladas and would not have had the pleasure of trying out these beauties. If you want to follow suit, just maybe plan to stay put for a loooooong time.
