Listen, friends. This is your warning that I’m about to talk about some seriously weird things in this review. If you’re weirded out by the idea of an ice phallus, now is the time to exit this review.
A’ight. Anyone left? Good. Let’s get to it.
So I’m just going to be straight up with you guys and tell you that I recently spent way too many hours googling the phrase “snow penis.” Why did I do such a terrible thing to my mind, you ask? Well, it all started with a bowl of Boo Kush from Prohibition Herb.
If you haven’t made the connection yet, that’s the strain I’m reviewing this issue for Prohibition, and (spoiler alert) it’s a good one. A realllllly good one.
Boo Kush is a premium strain on the shelves at Prohibition, and if you haven’t stumbled across it yet, here’s what you should know. This strain is generalized as an indica, and its genetics came from two killer strains: Ghost OG and OG Kush.
The first thing I noticed about this strain is incredibly green—like, the greenest ever—and it is quite the stinker. Literally. This strain smells very, very potent, to the point where the closed container made my entire living room reek of weed, pine, and freshly cut grass.
Not that I’m complaining, mind you. I like the smell of weed, and I like the smell of the great outdoors, so I don’t mind my whole house reeking of cannabis. But if you’re trying to be discreet about your habits, this is not the right strain for you. You will get busted just having it on you, and if you smoke it? Well. There is no ozone spray on the planet that can cover that stench up.
Oh, but if you just power through the stink lines that this strain emits, you’ll wind up stoned, a little weird, and happy as a freaking clam.
Well, as evidenced by what happened to me, anyway. Your Boo Kush mileage may vary.
Let’s talk about that little experience now, shall we? So, as I mentioned, I spent a lot of time Googling one very obscure and dumb term, and it’s all due to this strain. That’s because, after I smoked a bowl of Boo
Kush, I was very, very high. Like the highest in the room high.
It started off with my feeling like my arms were covered in a million tiny little ants, none of which were aggressive — but all of which were quite content to tickle me. That feeling quickly trickled down to the rest of my appendages — and up to my scalp — in a rush of THC-induced trippiness.
From there, the head high kicked in. I started getting super chatty and interested in any and everything. I wanted to TALK. Didn’t matter what the subject matter was. I just needed to tell everyone my thoughts.
Despite the serious body high, though, things stayed pretty typical (but high) for a while. I chatted and perused Reddit, content with checking out some of the weirder subs I subscribe to as entertainment when I’m high. (Pro tip: If you’re a Redditor, you have to subscribe to Curb Finds. It’s wild when you’re high.)
But that didn’t last. Things took a turn for the weird (surprise!) when I remembered that we were supposed to get a torrential downpour of snow later that day.
How did that snow memory get weird, you ask? Well, because I am a freaking juvenile, I started to wonder what the internet thought the worst versions of a good old snowman were. Cause, you know, reasons.
Like, do people build snow Eiffel tow-ers? Snow Olafs? Has anyone created a snow moose? Has anyone even tried to recreate the very NSFW “garden” that Laszlo from “What We Do in the Shadows” takes so much freaking pride in? After all, who wouldn’t think it hilarious to create THAT out of snow?
And then, like a bolt of lightning, it hit me. I wonder if anyone has made any epic snow peni. So, I did what any good pot writer would do: I googled it.
Turns out that yes, yes people do,
in fact, take the time to erect — pun intended — snow phallus’, and it’s not just in Colorado. It’s everywhere — from the good-natured Canadians to the 200 bored people who live in the snowy state of North Dakota to the weirdos in our fair weed state. Snow penises are everywhere. (Don’t believe me? Please search it up.)
That discovery would have been enough to set me off on a belly-busting bout of laughter in a completely sober state, but the massive head high that I was rocking made it even freaking funnier. I could not look away. It felt like I scrolled these images for an eternity, looking at the admittedly disgusting, but also hilarious, dong artwork made of snow.
And as I scrolled, I smoked bowl after bowl of this strain. It became a nonstop loop, with me taking hits, scrolling snow dongs, and then laughing hysterically at my finds. In between, my skin would tickle with the pleasant feeling of tiny ants.
I’m not sure how long this cycle lasted, to be honest — but at some point the munchies kicked in and I knew I was done for. A few bags of chips and a few more ice dongs and I was down for the count. Out. Asleep, dreaming of these artistic creations like they were sugar plums dancing in my head.
When I finally woke from my slumber, though, it was business as usual. No foggy brain, no embarrassment, and no regrets. Just the remnants of one weird Google search and the memories of one hell of a strain. Now, do I think it was totally the fault of Boo Kush that I decided to Google such a terrible but glorious search term? Of course not. That’s just how my brain works.
But what Boo Kush did do was free my brain of the static from work and life, which gave me the freedom to look up the weirdest junk on the net. And for that, I am grateful.