So, over the weekend I had some killer plans in place (I was going to binge-watch Gravity Falls and wish for death), but rather than fulfill my awesome plans of watching Soos fall in love with (and then become terrified by) his virtual video game girlfriend, GIFfany, I swept a rug, deep-cleaned a bunch of junk, ordered a bunch of things I didn’t need from the internet, and then spent an hour Googling how to clean leather, all thanks to 1906.
Or, all thanks to 1906 Go Beans, to be exact. The name of these chocolates may sound familiar, as 1906 has become one of the top THC-infused artisan chocolate dogs, and we’ve sung its praises over and over for different edible products. But, while these weed coffee beans were delicious, I’m not sure whether to sing its praises in this review or send it an anonymous potato in the mail (a real thing, btw) for ruining my lazy day plans.
This all started when Prohibition asked if we’d critique said 1906 chocolate weed beans for a review. How potent could they be, I thought? After all, these coffee beans only have 5 milligrams of THC and 5 milligrams of CBD in each one, and one coffee bean isn’t enough to amp me up to 100! I’m a professional caffeine drinker! These weed beans ain’t got nothin’ on me. Except, one bean apparently IS enough to amp me up to 100 ‘cause it ain’t just a coffee bean, but we’ll get to that in a minute.
Anyway, yeah. I picked up what I assumed were some mellow chocolate-covered coffee beans with a moderate amount of THC from Prohibition prior to said weekend plans. When I got home I tossed them on the counter where they would wait till Saturday, when I knew I could eat one and be both stoned and slightly awake while not having to do anything productive. As soon as Saturday morning rolled around, I opened the canister and tossed one back.
My first thought: Holy shit, these are delicious and taste like very strong coffee. My second thought: How in the hell did it kick in so quickly!? I don’t know how it happened, you guys, but it felt like one minute I was gnawing on a coffee bean covered in chocolate and the next moment — approximately 33 blinks later — I was wired and slightly stoned. Magic? Yeah. Magic.
Well, the magic of 1906, anyway, an edible company that offers the fastest-acting edibles on the planet. No, for real. Apparently, every 1906 product activates within 20 minutes using a patented technology that makes them the fastest-acting edibles in the world. And these beans are no exception.
In addition to being the fastest freaking edibles on earth, these beans are also surprisingly complicated for a coffee bean-cannabis combo — primarily because they’re not just coffee beans and THC. I’m using the word coffee bean because it’s a simple way to describe it, but these GO Beans are actually a combination of artisanal dark chocolate, locally-roasted Strava coffee beans, and three other plant medicines: L-theanine — which gives you a burst of alertness; Galangal — which enhances focus; and theobromine — which increases blood flow.
And make no mistake about it: Those three freaking plant derivatives and the coffee bean kicked my ass into high-HIGH gear. I went from wanting to veg on the sofa to being the most productive person on the planet in no time flat. I was all-in on a bustling Saturday morning — but the world is garbage right now and I had nowhere to go.
So I buzzed from room to fricking room trying to burn the energy off instead, and I ended up completely ignoring my juvenile cartoon binge schedule in lieu of freaking sweeping. What even is this life.
Even stranger than the sweeping, though, was the fact that I was completely in control of my faculties. I wasn’t like, out of control stoned sweeping — I was just focused and motivated instead.
And, oddly enough, the bean wore off an hour or so later in such a mellow manner that I barely noticed the drop in motivation. Pretty odd for a freaking coffee bean — especially considering that I regularly feel the effects of caffeine crashes from energy drinks. But I didn’t notice this one! I mostly just noticed the desire to veg in front of cartoons returning and knew we were back to sober ol’ me.
So, overall, these Go Beans are pretty badass. I wouldn’t eat them when you have plans to do nothing, mind you, but if you have a bunch of junk you want to knock out, these beans will be your best friend. The kind of friend who comes over with a bowl of weed and a Red Bull — which are the best kind of friends.
DGO Pufnstuf
