“Twenty-twenty-twenty-four hours to goooo-ooooo-ooooooh, I wanna be sedated. Nothing to do, nowhere to gooo-eeeeee-ooooohohoh…”
If I absolutely had to come up with a theme song for Kush Mints, the hybrid strain from Prohibition Herb that we’re reviewing this issue, that old Ramones song quoted above would be, without a doubt, exactly what I chose for it.
Why would I choose that kick-ass but overplayed song you ask? Well, I’ll tell you.
Let me start by saying that I would have thought, based on the name, that a strain with the name of Kush Mints would have been a little nutty and sticky, just like peanut butter. And, I guess I would have expected it to inject my brain with some energy, too. Not sure why. Probably because I equate peanuts with an energy food.
But, I guess you never can predict what a strain has up its sleeve, right? Right.
As you may have guessed, this strain did not give me energy. It knocked me into the most coma-y of weed comas.
And that, my friends, is why the Ramones song makes sense. If you want to be freaking sedated and happy,
Kush Mints is your gal.
If you’re unfamiliar with Kush Mints, as I was prior to this review, let me tell you a little about this hybrid strain. It’s relatively new on Prohibition’s shelves, and it was created by crossing Animal Mints and Bubba
Kush. It’s known for its uplifting high and minty flavor, and while I do agree that this strain has some uplifting qualities, it will also make you very, very, stoned. So, if you’re into strains that make your arms and legs hard to control and make you grin like the Cheshire Cat while your limbs refuse to cooperate, you may want to go grab some right now.
I picked up some of this bud from Prohibition when it first hit the shelf, and let me tell you, it was a complete shock to the system when I lit it up.
The first thing I noticed when I inhaled this little doozy of a strain was that yes, it does taste a little bit minty.
That was not a surprise, given the name.
The second thing I noticed was that this strain is not a creeper. Unlike the hint of mint, the effects of this strain will smack you in the brain right from the first hit — and then it will just keep going for at least an hour after.
I didn’t think twice about lighting it up during the day, which was both good and bad. It was good because I was immediately freaking stoned and uplifted, but it was not so great because it rendered me completely and totally useless for at least an hour.
If I’d had any pressing plans, or anything at all to do other than get stoned, it would have been impossible to make my body cooperate with said plans after smoking it.
I’m not kidding, you guys. I lit up a bowl of this strain and halfway through, I had a smile on my face and I started to feel that old familiar heaviness in my limbs — the type of heaviness that almost feels like you’ve lost control of your body.
And, after my legs and arms stopped working, so did my brain. My eyelids started to feel like the heaviest shutters for my eyeballs — but my grin didn’t fall like my eyelids, surprisingly — and from there, my mind started to wander to regions far and wide.
I clearly remember thinking about all the things and making all sorts of associations with said things, but to be honest, I can’t remember what the hell I was actually thinking about. All I know is that I was happy and entertained.
And, I was both happy and entertained while also completely and totally still and silent. Had anyone else been around, I would have undoubtedly been the caricature of a stoner in living form. Like Flat Stoner
Stanley came to life on the couch or something. It would have been hella creepy.
But, I wasn’t with anyone else, thank the gods. I was alone with my thoughts, whatever they were.
If I had to compare the effects to anything, it would be that first or second time you get super freaking blazed with your buddies in high school (or college, I don’t know. Some of us started earlier than others).
You know what I’m talking about: that time you were so high, all you could muster up to mutter was, “Dude, I’m so freaking high.” Yeah, it was that. I was happy human sludge.
I’ve probably only been as high as I was on Kush Mints one other time in my life. The only other time I’d gotten that high was when I was watching “GI Jane” with some friends and their older siblings as we smoked a massive ass blunt.
After I’d smoked more than my fair share of that blunt, I swore up and down that I had been in the army, despite being, like, maybe 17 years old at the time. For some reason, I just knew I’d been through a hellacious boot camp like Demi Moore had, and I proceeded to tell everyone about it over and over and over again.
Luckily, I know everyone else was equally high because not one of those bastards even argued with me. I doubt they even remember. But I do. Oh, I do. And I’m still horrified by it to this day.
To be fair, I wasn’t quite that high off of Kush Mints — as far as I know, I didn’t confuse my career as a writer for a trip to Guantanamo Bay or something — but it was a close second.
Had I been a little younger, a little less tolerant of THC, and more able to use my lips after smoking, it may have gone that route. And, if I’d opted for a second bowl of Kush Mints, I would have undoubtedly been that high. I’m sure of it.
But, it didn’t go there — in part because I smoked alone so there was no one to listen to me ramble on about my fake military career, and in part because I have learned to moderate my intake.
That doesn’t mean I was anything other than useless, though. I’m pretty sure my arms and legs and other appendages were glued shut or down or whatever for at least an hour or more. I don’t even think the TV was on. I was so content that I was capable of just entertaining myself in my brain, which was super lucky, because I wouldn’t have been able to grip the remote if I’d been in need of stimulation.
And, when the high from Kush Mints wore off, I wasn’t sleepy at all. I was freaking starving, but not sleepy. Go figure. And, once I’d shoveled a bunch of junk down my gullet, I was clear-headed and ready to be productive.
You really can’t judge a strain by its label, can you. Anyway, that’s Kush Mints in a nutshell, pun so-very-freaking-much intended.
If you need a mood boost, are into having super heavy appendages, an unrivaled head high, and you don’t need to use your mouth to speak to other humans, you will LOVE this strain. It’s definitely worthy of the
Ramones theme song, and it’s worthy of your hard earned cash at the dispensary, too — if you can get there before it sells out, anyway.