It’s not easy being green

by DGO Pufnstuf

Just getting started on your journey from layperson to smoker extraordinaire? Well, well. You’re in for some serious awesomeness, once the stoner learning curve is over and done with.

But while there are new levels of enlightenment on the horizon, the reality is that it’s not always easy being green (or a new green smoker, that is). There is a lot of terminology to learn, a lot of slang to catch up on, and a lot of gear to collect. In fact, it can be tough to know where to start.

If you’re a new smoker who’s emerging from your weed-sober bubble to join in on the fun, we’re here to help you out. The items below are what you need in order to create the best stoner starter kit ever. From the right smoking tools to the right grinders and more, here’s what you may want to load up on.

A one-hitter dugout combo

If you’re a new stoner, you need to nail down a one-hitter dugout combo. Whether you’re taking it on the road to go camp out in the wilderness or you’re just hiking the hills of your own backyard, this is the best piece on the planet.

And, that’s because it comes with a designated place to store your bud, a sweet ass place to put your pipe, and it has an airtight seal to keep that skunky stench of your mota (that’s Spanish slang for weed, friends) where it belongs: in the box. Plus, the right one-hitter dugout combo will fit right into the palm of your sweaty hand. What more could you ask for?

Our suggestion: The Pilot Diary Wood Dugout With Glass One Hitter Pipe, which retails for about $25

Joint filters

As a new smoker, you’re going to want to conquer the art of rolling joints. We aren’t saying you WILL conquer it. It’s not easy. But you will want to. We all know it. You know it. Everyone knows it.

Before you try to get your hands all sticky-icky with your bud and rolling papers, though, you may want to pick up some rolling filters. These little guys are dropped into the end of your joints to — you guessed it — help filter out the resin and lessen the burn of the smoke you’re inhaling. Without them, the joints you’re rolling aren’t going to taste as good or be as smooth as they could be — and nothing looks more noob than choking on a joint in front of your smoking buddies. Trust us.

Plus, these bad boys can filter out some of the other junk that could cause throat irritation, and will just make your smoking session cleaner and easier overall. Your lungs deserve them, and there are options aplenty, so don’t tell us otherwise. Just snag some ASAP.

Our suggestion: Grav Labs Pack of 10 Silicone-Capped Glass Crutch, which retails for about $49.99 for a 10-pack

A grinder

Listen. Do not underestimate the usefulness of a grinder. It doesn’t matter if you’re smoking a blunt, a bowl out of a pipe, are baking your weed in a dry herb vape, or loading a bong with your flower. In every and all cases, you need a dang grinder.
And you need a good one.

Not all grinders are created alike, and you get what you pay for. Cheap out on a crappy plastic grinder and you’re going to be using a lot of grip strength to grind your weed. At that point, you might as well just monkey-paw it to shred it. Same difference.

So get a grinder, and get a decent one. You may want to invest in a metal grinder, one that can catch the pollen or keef or whatever else so you can use every bit of what the good dirt gave you with your weed.

Our suggestion: The 3-Piece Santa Cruz Shredder, which retails for about $60 (WE SAID DON’T CHEAP OUT!!)

A stash jar

If you’re going to imbibe, you need a place to store your weed. And, when you store your weed, you don’t want it to get exposed to a bunch of UV rays or other junk, so you need a GOOD place to store your weed. In other words, you need a stash jar.

Stash jars are great because they keep the sun from drying out your bud while keeping those harmful UV rays from making your weed less potent, too. And, they keep the smell contained. They also keep your weed from collecting dust and allergens from the air, which is awesome — especially if you’re prone to allergies.

Your weed will last longer, nobody will be able to sniff it out, and you’ll reduce the nasty gunk you inhale when you pull it out to smoke it. Sounds like a necessity to us.

Our suggestion: The stash jar by Re:Stash, which retails for about $18

The right dry herb vape

The art of smoking has come a long way since your stoner days in high school when you sat around smoking dry as heck ditch weed with your burnout buddies out of a cheap glass pipe. These days, there are much more sophisticated ways to get stoned, and if you’re ready to go all-in on this new pothead vibe, you may want to invest in one.

We love our dry herb vapes because they make getting stoned so easy and discreet because they don’t burn your bud — they simply heat it to the right temperature so you can get stoned instead. In fact, we know plenty of people in prohibition states who use them and swear by them because they can use them and their nosy neighbors are none the wiser.

But not only do they lessen the stench by baking your weed at the right temperature; they also save tons of bud in the long run. They’re more effective because of the lack of combustion, which means you don’t have to dump out your bowl when you’re done. If there’s still some greenery left in the vape, you can just switch it back on next time. Show us a pipe that does that. You can’t.

Anyway, we just freaking Stan over these things, and we think you will too — as long as you buy the right one. The quality can really vary depending on what you buy, so make sure to see this tool as an investment and spend what you need to in order to obtain the right one. Otherwise, it’s a fool’s mission, and we do not suggest taking that route.

Our suggestion: The Pax 3 dry herb and concentrate vape, which retails for about $250

Glass pipe screens

You ever inhaled ash into the back of your throat before? If your answer is no, well, then you’re a lucky son of a gun. Those of us who have are well aware of how absolutely awful it is. Nobody needs that in their lives. Not even the worst among us deserve that torture.

The good news is you can avoid that by investing in some pipe screens. These cheap but effective screens will keep your throat from being invaded by nasty ash soldiers who have snuck through your pipe or chillum to attack your trachea. They act as a filter for your glass smoking device, and trust us, they are worth every. single. penny.

As a bonus, these little glass devices look like tiny spiked marbles, so they’re cute and effective. Heck. YES.

Our suggestion: CaliConnected Glass Daisy Screens, which retail for about $5 for a 5-pack

A joint roller

Have you ever tried to roll a joint? It’s a hell of a lot harder than it looks. Luckily, if you want to roll expert joints, you don’t have to master the art all on your own. There are joint rollers to assist, and if we were you, we’d suggest you invest in one.

Do you ever wonder how those people on Instagram roll near perfect joints every single time? What we love about a good joint roller is that it takes all of the hard work out of rolling. No torn papers, lost flower, or lumpy joints. It’s perfection every time.

And, it’s a quick process, too. A good joint roller can hook you up with an Instagram-worth joint in a matter of seconds. Who doesn’t love that?

By the way, there are a lot of options out there. You can go high-tech with an electric joint roller, but if you’re not about that life, just snag a cheap one instead. They’re all pretty decent.

Or, if you would rather invest all that hard-earned dinero in the Cadillac of joint rollers, go for it. We won’t judge.
Our suggestion: OCB Bamboo Cigarette Rolling Machine, which retails for like $9 or something

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