Keep your stoner elbows off the table

by DGO Staff

Lessons on becoming the politest of weed smokers. Your mom will thank you.

Let’s talk about keeping our sticky little stoner elbows off the table, shall we?

While there are still plenty  of questions left to be answered about ye old cannabis plant,including the massive one: when federal prohibition will end, one question we have had pop up time and again is on pot etiquette. Yes, we’re talking about minding your weed manners.

How to best handle the social side of weed smoking is not a new one — but it IS an important one. After all, nobody wants to be rude in public — especially while sitting around the proverbial peace pipe with friends, right?

Right. So rather than committing an accidental weed faux paus, we’ve decided to confront the issue head on instead.

If you’re wondering whether to pass the dutchie to the left or right hand side, or whether it’s OK to swap spit via a fat joint with your buddies, here’s everything you need to know for minding your pot p’s and q’s. Follow these and you’ll be the politest pothead to ever pot.

Don’t say we never taught you anything.

Rule #1: Moderate your intake

Hey there, newbie toker! Let us give you a little advice: Don’t go all Cheech and Chong just because you can legally smoke weed where you live. Just because it’s legal doesn’t mean you should puff puff pass…out like a dummy.

Think of it like this: if Twinkies were discontinued for a while and then suddenly made a comeback, would you eat the entire box in one sitting? (Actually, don’t answer that either. It’s better if we both pretend the answer is no.)

One of the most important rules of imbibing is to take it easy and enjoy your high one hit at a time.

Look, we all know that one guy from college who drank himself under the table and made a fool of himself. Don’t be that guy when it comes to weed. Sure, light up, but for the love of all that is green, don’t take it to the extreme like some kind of frat boy. You’re not trying to impress anyone here.

Remember, you’re an adult, not a teenager trying to sneak a toke behind the bleachers. So let’s keep it cool, and enjoy responsibly, shall we?

Rule #2: Pass it to the left. For real. For real real.

The second rule is simple: It’s the golden rule of passing the joint.

Passing the joint is rocket science, people. Just remember that classic tune, “Pass the dutchie to the left-hand side.” And for the love of all that’s good, listen to it on repeat until it’s ingrained in your brain. Don’t pass to the right. Don’t pass to the front. Always to the left.

But here’s the twist: it’s not just any left-hand side. It’s the clockwise left-hand side. Got it? Great. Told you it was simple.

Rule #3: Be blunt about the bud.

If you want to be a polite pothead, it’s time to get your communication skills up to snuff. Don’t just throw a blunt full of some unknown herb at your buds and hope for the best. We’re not playing weed roulette here. Be courteous and specify what you’re packing instead.

After all, you wouldn’t make a super strong cocktail without warning your friend, would you? Let’s just hope you’re not that person.

So, let’s apply the same concept to weed. Not everyone is a seasoned smoker or vaper, and it’s not cool to knock their socks off without warning.

We’ve all smoked too much a time or two and it’s not fun.

Don’t be rude to your homies like that.

Instead, you should let your people know if it’s indica or sativa, or maybe some wild and crazy hybrid that will make them visit the recesses of their brains — the ones they avoid like the plague..

After all, everyone deserves to know what they’re getting into, right? So in-form, inform, inform!

DGO April 2023 Page 05 Image 0001Rule #4: Don’t blindside your buddies with incognito edibles.

Oh, hello there, sneaky little weed chef. Are those special brownies you’ve brought to the party? Don’t be shy, let us in on the secret. Look, we’re all here to have a good time, but let’s not get too crazy, okay?

We don’t need any unsuspecting victims accidentally eating your super-charged, THC-packed goodies and ending up seeing pink elephants dancing in their heads. So, why not label your creations with a little something, something? It doesn’t have to be fancy, just a little sign that says, “Warning: Pot Brownies Ahead!”

Trust us, your friends will thank you for it. Plus, it gives you a chance to show off your creative skills. Maybe draw a little pot leaf on the sign or make it in the shape of a joint? Get creative, baby. Just remember, communication is key. So, label those treats if you want to be the Miss Manners (or Mr. Manners, or Thister Manners) of marijuana. It’s the only way.

Rule #5: Pot may not be prime for public

Let’s get one thing straight – just because you can light up legally doesn’t mean you should be smoking wherever you please. Don’t be that guy who just sparks up without any consideration for the people around you. It’s just plain rude, and nobody likes a rude pothead.

Listen, if you want to smoke at a party, make sure you ask your host first. And even then, take it outside like a civilized human being. No one wants to be hotboxed in their own living room. And if you’re in public, just hold off on the smoke sesh altogether. Trust us, that mom pushing a stroller doesn’t want to explain to her kid why it smells like Snoop Dogg’s tour bus.

Bottom line: Be respectful and use some common sense. Weed may be legal, but that doesn’t mean you get a free pass to be a jerk.

Rule #6: Tap into your table manners

If you want to be a polite pothead, it’s time to put on our fancy pants and practice our table manners. Just like Grandma taught us, keep those elbows off the table. Those bongs can be pricey, not to mention pieces of art. We don’t need your clumsy self knocking it over and spilling that stinky bong water all over your friend’s expensive rug.

Trust us, that’s not the kind of impression you want to leave on your buddy’s new pad.

So let’s keep it classy and keep those elbows off the table, shall we?

Rule #7: Peer pressure is pure punkery — in a bad way

Hey, hey, hey! Don’t be that person who ruins the vibe with peer pressure. It wasn’t cool in high school, and it’s even less cool when you’re pushing 30. Look, if you want to smoke, go for it! You’re an adult and you can make your own decisions. But don’t force your friend to light up if they’re not feeling it. We all have our own preferences, and that’s okay. Plus, if you pressure them too much, they might end up like that one guy who’s passed out on the couch after one puff. Let’s keep it chill and respect each other’s choices.

Rule #8: Sharing is freaking caring

This should go without saying, but if you’re planning to light up at someone else’s place, make sure you have their blessing before puff-puff-passing around that good stuff. And if you’re the one hosting the party, don’t be stingy with your stash. Share the love, man!

And speaking of sharing, be kind to the rookies. Don’t rush them or be a buzzkill if they don’t know how to pass it clock-wise. We all started somewhere, right? So, take a chill pill, sit back, and enjoy the ride.

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