Stocking stuffers for unlikely stoners

by Patty Templeton

Nobody wants your homemade piece of crap picture frame. Ditto that for those bullshit “personal coupons” you printed off Pinterest that will immediately get lost. And I swear to gawd, don’t you dare gift a janky mason jar scene unless you are Leonardo da Terrarium.

Instead, go to Animas Herbal, 1111 Camino del Rio, No. 5. (It is on the back of the strip mall. If you come through the front door, you’ll have to go down the stairs then look left out the back door.) We spoke to Sayrah Sims, Animas’ cordial, knowledgeable manager about merch that’ll make you the Queen Krampus or Boss-ass Santa in your brood.

Heavenly Hash Bath

Brand: Mary Jane’s Medicinals

Good gift for: CrossFit Friends Who Get Gym-Sore

“This hash bath is awesome. Mary Jane’s Medicinals is based out of Telluride, so it’s good for people who want to stay local with their purchasing. It’s like a big tea bag full of weed, lavender, chamomile, and lots of other good stuff. It turns your bath into an oily soak. I tried it myself, and I absolutely loved it. It makes you feel like you got out of a hot spring. That relaxed feeling. It’s a topical, so you’re not going to really feel high from it. It’s not psychoactive. If you drank your bathwater, it would be. So be careful there. It turns your water a little greenish gold and you can use it more than one time. They go for about $15.”

Side note: Heavenly Hash Bath has also been reported to help insomniacs sleep after a long soak.

Lip BongMary Jane’s Medicinals

Good gift for: The Co-worker You Want to Spend Less Than $10 On

“Another item I have from Mary Jane’s Medicinals is Lip Bong. It’s Chapstick that has weed in it. It’s a topical. If you bit a chunk out of it you might get high from it, but if you are using it like a regular lip balm you won’t expect any psychoactive effect from it. These guys are 8 bucks. It has a little bit of mintiness and a little bit of weediness to it. It gives your lips a little tingle.”

Side note: If you rub it on your temples, it can help with headaches.

Foria Relief

Brand: Foria

Good gift for: The Gal In Your Life With Monstrous Menstrual Cramps

“These are cool. They are vaginal suppositories. They are cocoa butter based. If you have sensitive skin that is something to be aware of. With any of these products, read the ingredients to make sure you aren’t allergic. There are four in a pack. A pack goes for about $25 to $30. I have heard from tons of girls who’ve been using them. They’re really great. They do give you a little bit of a psychoactive effect. It is a recreational product, so each suppository isn’t going to exceed more than 10 milligrams of CBD. Which is a pretty low dose for anyone. I have heard it works for men who use them for pain, too.”

Side note: Feel like gettin’ frisky? Foria has a sensual enhancement oil (Foria Pleasure) and a sensual enhancement suppository for anal sex (Foria Explore).

TinQture 2 oz. Sublingual Oral Tincture

Brand: marQaha

Good gift for: Grandma Who Has Arthritis But Ain’t Into Gettin’ High

“We have a tincture from marQaha. It has very low THC. Only 10 milligrams in this whole bottle. You’re getting 20 to 30 servings out of this for CBD. It does come with a higher price tag. Anything that’s going to be really rich in CBD is going to be a little more expensive. This retails for about $120. If you drank the whole bottle, you’d maybe get one dose of THC. So it’s really hard to overmedicate yourself. You can use it at your leisure and not have to worry. marQaha is a great brand. Great quality of ingredients.”

Side note: Marijuana tinctures can also be used to help treat anxiety, PTSD, and migraines.

FlasQ 2 oz. Beverage

Brand: marQaha

Good gift for: Your Favorite Barista Hasn’t Ever Thought of Chugging Their Weed

“We also have beverages by marQaha. They are on sale right now for about $10. You get 90 milligrams. That’s nine servings. You can pick your poison. There’s a pomegranate flavor and a lemonade-black tea. There’s a bit of caffeine in there. It gives you a little bit of an up. I feel like people don’t think about drinks as an edible. They’re great because they work quick. Your body doesn’t have to break down as much.”

Side note: The lemonade-black tea is vegan-friendly.

Vape Pen with Premium CO2 Cartridge

Brand: S.W.E.E.T.

Good Gift for: You’re Soon-To-Be Father-In-Law Who’s In a Panic About Holiday Parties

“Another CBD product I have is for someone who is OK with a little bit of THC but doesn’t want to get too baked. It is the S.W.E.E.T. hash oil vape pen. It uses cannabis extracted CBD oil cartridges. So it’s not hemp-based. It’s cannabis-based. You get a little battery and a disposable cartridge. You suck on it like a straw. Pressure activated. Super easy. I think the cartridge is about $50 and the battery is about $16. So you’re looking at $66. A little more expensive but not terrible for someone really looking to get into vaping. It’s discreet. It doesn’t smell like burning weed. CBD is also great for anxiety, too.”

Side note: Comedian Whoopi Goldberg is in love with vaping weed. She wrote an entire column at “The Cannabist” about it.

Dabbing Gift Box

Brand: Various

Good gift for: Your Crush

“You get a torch, a dab straw, and a little dab container. It also comes with a gram of hash and a couple of coupons for $10 off your hash purchases in the future. It comes in a cute little box. One stop shopping. This is gonna retail for about $70. It’s a really good value when you consider that a gram of shatter usually runs you $60.”

Side note: Animas Herbal has a hella well-informed, friendly staff. If none of these stocking stuffers suit your fancy, stop by the shop!

Patty TempletonDGO staff writer


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