Aye, so I’m just going to get right to the point with this review: Break Dance, the strain we’re reviewing this week for The Green House Durango, don’t eff around. This strain, an indica dominant hybrid, will kick your freaking ass.
I ain’t even kidding you, man. This strain is a killer. I’m lucky I smoked it in the evening because I would have been screwed otherwise. Here’s what happened.
So, I grabbed this strain from the Green House one afternoon but I honestly didn’t know much about it prior to this review. The only thing I really knew is that the manager and the budtender agreed that it was one of their favorites on the shelf right now, which is always a good sign. So, I grabbed a gram of this hybrid strain, which tests at a solid 24.6% THC for this batch, and did what I always do: prepared to smoke it.
That didn’t happen as quickly as I thought it would, though. I had some other errands that needed to be taken care of first, which set me off schedule. (This matters. I’m not just telling you about my boring ass day, I promise. You’ll see why.)
So after I left the dispensary I went and knocked those out before grabbing some food and heading home to try this puppy out. At that point, most of the evening had been chipped away by my nonsense. I didn’t end up lighting up a bowl of this bud until about 9 p.m. or so.
I’m not usually super stoked about smoking a strain for review at night because if I’m tired, I can’t always tell if it’s the weed or the hectic schedule that’s causing me to zone out and get sleepy. So while it may seem counterintuitive, I try to smoke our review strains earlier rather than later. That ain’t what happened here.
And, as I mentioned, that was a good thing, because holy eff-balls, man. The moment I put the dry herb vape to my lips I started choking. Apparently Break Dance did a roundhouse kick to the ol’ lungs and then kept Roger Rabbit-ing in there. In other words, I choked like a jackass for a long time on one hit.
As for taste? Well, I can’t really tell you. All I could really taste were parts of my lung, which were expelled from my body with the force of Thor’s hammer thanks to this strain. I think there may have been some citrus notes and diesel under there? But that could have just been my war-torn lungs playing tricks on me. Who knows.
What I do know, though, is that whatever this bud tastes like is nothing like what I smelled. When combusted, this strain made my entire bedroom smell like I’d hotboxed my car back in high school. Not even the stoner spray could cover it up.
After choking for what felt like hours, I tried to go a bit lighter on the second hit, assuming it was my screw-up that caused me to cough. I even tried to cough out a Zoolander joke to make light of the situation in front of my housemate, but couldn’t even get the words out. I was trying to say, “I’ve got the black lung, pop!” But it came out as “COUGH COUGH DYING COUGH… I’VE GOT… COUGH COUGH GAG COUGH…THE…Oh, screw it.”
And, no matter how light I went on the inhale, this strain got me right in the lungs. One small puff? Cough, cough. One even smaller puff? Cough, cough some more, dummy! That went on until the entire bowl was cashed.
What’s funny about that, at least to me, is that it doesn’t look like a strain that will make you cough like Cheech with a bong. It looks pretty freaking inoffensive. The nugs are compact but small, and the smell isn’t that strong, either.
That is clearly misleading, though. And all it took was the one bowl to uh, bowl me over into oblivion. I went from wide awake, taking notes about how much coughing sucks, to being a literal Flat Stanley version of myself. I went from live and in living color to one-dimensional in just one bowl.
My arms felt weak, my legs were abandoning ship, and I couldn’t even convince myself to get out of bed to get snacks to satiate the hunger that came with this high. My body wanted nothing to do with that nonsense, and I, of course, complied.
I opted to lay there, high as hell and flapping in the wind from the air purifier, instead. Sometimes you just gotta roll with it.
I’m not sure when I passed out, but I most definitely did a short time after smoking this strain. It got me real good, you guys. Right in the lungs before trickling down to my appendages and into my brain.
When I woke up this morning, I’m not gonna lie. I felt rested, but I also felt like I could sleep 18 more hours, too. So, while it wasn’t ideal, I guess I was lucky I smoked it later than planned. I don’t think I would have been able to fight the feeling at 7 pm any better than I could at 9 pm.
So, if you’re looking for a strain to kick you right in the lungs and then send you off to sleep heaven, Break Dance is it. This unassuming little strain will knock you right out cold, and you’ll love it. Just don’t smoke it during the day or you’ll be the least productive you’ve ever been. Just trust me on that.
DGO Pufnstuf
