Strain review: Flo from The Green House Durango

by DGO Pufnstuf

If you’ve read any of my recent strain reviews (which, thank you for reading but also RIP to your sanity), you may be aware that I’ve been trying to avoid sativas as of late. At some point in the not so distant past I loved those racy, mind-busting strains, but since the start of the pandemic, I’ve been shying away from these types of strains in lieu of more heavy indicas.

I’m not sure if it’s because of an issue with anxiety or an issue with boredom — perhaps I’d rather pass out and forget I exist then stay awake and wish I was socializing with other humans — but whatever the cause, I’ve been tepid on sativa strains. Not that I won’t smoke them, mind you. It’s just that when given the choice, I tend to navigate toward indicas instead.

That said, it’s probably time to change things up a bit. I smoke a lot of weed — like a lot, a lot — and it’s never a bad thing to get some more flavor in there. And, I guess that switcheroo happened by accident when I was asked to review Flo, a sativa-leaning hybrid, for the Green House Durango.

I’ve reviewed this strain for other dispensaries in the past, but it’s been a long while since I’ve smoked it. I honestly couldn’t even remember if I liked it — it’s been that long since I’ve touched it. If you also aren’t super familiar with this strain, here’s the deal. Flo was created by crossing Purple Thai and Afghani. The buds are dense, with a mix of deep purple and dark green.

It’s not just a looker, either. This strain also smells amazing — like slightly skunky grass with some pine needles and lemons thrown in for good measure. This particular batch of Flo tested at about 18.8% THC — which is a nice, moderate amount of THC compared to some of the strains we normally review.

And, that lower amount of THC may be why this strain didn’t give me anxiety at all. Sorry. Should have said spoiler alert, I guess. Anyway, this strain did not give me anxiety, despite smoking two bowls of it back to back.

Why did I smoke two bowls if I was worried about anxiety, you ask? Well, because I’m an idiot. And also because this strain tasted as good as it smelled. Plus, the smoke was super mellow, so I didn’t cough or wheeze while smoking it. That made it super pleasant to inhale.

I didn’t feel stoned or high after those two bowls, either. I guess Flo was full of surprises. While I had expected to be a little racy or amped up, what I felt was clear-headed instead. It’s like Flo took a little weed broom and swept out all of the COVID cobwebs in my brain. I dug it.

I’m not sure my housemate did, though. He came into my room asking for help with some weird ass hammer-looking contraption to work out a hamstring issue and asked for my help. Well, I cranked that thing up to an 80 and went at it all hyper-focused on getting the chiropractor gun really deep into the muscle or whatever a hammie is. Apparently that was the wrong move, which I learned when he jumped out of his skin and landed on the ceiling. Whoops.

That amused me to no end, of course, so I spent a solid 25 minutes laughing and begging to help some more. I was quickly banished from doing that because I “don’t take things seriously enough,” or some such nonsense. Whatever. His problem now, I guess. Good luck getting that gun at the right angle on your own, homie!

Aside from my overzealousness with the chiro gun, the only other real downside was that my mouth was super freaking dry. Like drier than it has ever been, despite the 0% humidity we have in our little Colorado town. I felt like my mouth belonged not to me, but to the 8,000-year-old vampire Petyr from “What We Do in the Shadows.” I could have really used some virgin blood to clear that gravelly mess up. So, if you’re going to smoke Flo, make sure you have enough liquids on hand for 18 people. You’ll need them.

But other than that, this strain was awesome. I was awake, clear-headed, and totally and completely functional, which is not me on any indica or indica hybrid. Those will knock me onto my literal ass and put me to bed by a toddler, but not this strain.

So, the lesson learned here is this: I shouldn’t assume all sativas or sativa hybrids are the same, and I apparently actually really like some of them. I didn’t get anxiety, I didn’t even really get the munchies, and I’m probably hydrated enough to avoid water for the next two weeks since I downed 1,000 gallons of water to get rid of the cottonmouth from this strain.

All of those are a win to me, just like Flo is. I think I’ll be keeping more of this strain on hand for the days when I’m not ready to crawl into an antisocial hole and ignore the world.

As the nation recovers from this nightmare of a pandemic, I’m assuming we’ll have more and more of those — and with some of this strain on hand, I guess my introverted ass will be ready for it.

DGO Pufnstuf

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