Strain Review: Riptide, a sativa as pleasant as the Vance Joy song

by DGO Pufnstuf

My coworkers can thank the weed gods for the fact that I’ve been humming Vance Joy chords for the last 72 hours. This week, we’re going to chat about “Riptide,” a sativa strain with the same moniker as that earworm song. Try to smoke it and not hum “running down to the riptide…” You can’t.

So, a little bit about this strain: Prohibition conjured up this sativa strain from their own genetics – a cross between Catpiss and Romulun – which means it’s unique to their dispensary. Riptide clocks in at somewhere between 21 and 23 percent THC, and the buds are chunky with an earthy smell, a bit like a damp forest in the fall.

I’d originally planned to slap this bad boy into a pipe on Friday night, but alas, life got in the way. I’m in the process of moving – i.e. I am paying rent on two places because I’m an idiot – and I hadn’t planned on schlepping my shit from one place to the other over the weekend. That’s what I ended up doing anyway.

My plan went to hell when my current landlord told me someone would be coming to see the apartment. Lucky me, I had stuff everywhere. It made no sense to clean it up and then move it next weekend, so I opted to dive into moving a weekend early instead. My Friday night plans went from smoking Riptide to frantically stuffing boxes into my car. Womp-womp.

Once I’d finished moving, I looked around at the explosion of clothes, furniture, and kitchen gadgets in despair. I had so much to put away but I could. not. do. it. My legs hurt, my brain hurt, and I opted to smoke a bowl of Riptide instead. For work reasons, of course.

Well, let me tell you… if relaxation is what you’re looking for, Riptide is not it. After a few puffs of ye old weed, I wasn’t overwhelmed, nor was I concerned about my Jell-O-legs. I was invigorated by a second wind, and even after a weekend of hard labor, I got right to work.

In between unpacking boxes, I took a few notes on Riptide that I’d like to share.

1. “I’m clearheaded other than this f@$cking Spice Girls song stuck in my head.”

2. “Oh, damn. This is a creeper.” (I believe this was when the gentle body high kicked in, right about the time that I’d finished closet duty.)

3. “I love how I can remember words or other great things I don’t normally remember, like the word creeper.”

Those three thoughts describe Riptide in a proverbial nutshell. I didn’t feel obnoxiously high – I just felt like I’d had a good nap. My weekend didn’t seem to suck as much. And I ate, like, three apples, which made me feel healthy. So, it was a big win in an otherwise trash weekend.

If you’re looking for a strain that will kick you into high gear, Riptide is your jam. If you want to feel smart as hell and vacillate from humming the Spice Girls to Vance Joy, Riptide is your mf’in’ jam. If you’re looking to pout and then sleep, Riptide is not your jam (and you should re-evaluate your life).

DGO Pufnstuf


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