Strain review: S99

by DGO Pufnstuf

I fell in love with a salty redhead this past week and her name is S99. She’s a sativa hybrid created by crossing Sage and Cinderella 99, and she’s kind of a badass. She definitely kicked my ass, anyway.

We got this batch of S99 from The Green House in Pagosa Springs, and I was impressed with it as soon as I popped the lid off the canister. S99’s nugs are thick, sticky, and laced with bright orange hairs. My favorite kind of ginger. This batch was tested between 18 and 23.8 percent THC, so I knew she was going to be a devious one.

And, I was right. This strain definitely is a little mischievous, which I learned after just one bowl. She’s herbal and spicy, and made me choke with each and every hit. Let’s just call her complex. (My notes say, “This tastes like the color green.” Take that as you will.)

Anyway, after the bowl was cashed, I realized that I probably should have shared this one with someone else instead of being greedy because I was stoned out of my actual mind off that small amount of weed. It was a pleasant high, mind you, but also very noticeable. My whole body felt like it was on pins and needles and I felt like I was laying on a bed of quicksand. I wasn’t – I was laying on my normal ass bed with my shitty mattress – but I kept feeling like my body was rolling slowly down into thick, wet sand. It was definitely an unexpected feeling, to say the least.

It wasn’t just that rolling quicksand feeling, though. I had a major body high and all of my limbs felt the effects of S99. At one point, my hands had the sensation of ice running through them and I felt like I was aware of every nerve in my body. It kinda tripped me out, but I was oddly content with it at the same time.

I was also content with muttering to myself, which isn’t my normal modus operandi. I’m usually the one laughing at the person who’s trying but failing to form words, but this time, it was my stoned cross to bear. I specifically remember trying to convey something snarky but failing epically because I was mumbling instead of using my talking words. My mouth just would not cooperate. Not even to shit talk.

So, I was rocking a major body high, a major mouth high, and a major mumble-face high, but oddly enough, I didn’t have the munchies. Normally when I’m that stoned I’ll go raid the kitchen for anything to appease the burning hunger, but S99 didn’t bring out the food monster in me. It just brought out the useless limb monster instead.

And, unlike with other sativas, I passed right tf out after trying to mumble sentences and slept the a damn baby. I don’t know what this sativa is doing that others don’t, but it’s something. Something is different. I slept like a rock and woke up in a hazy fog the next morning, confused as to what the hell had happened.

I don’t know what on earth S99 does that other sativas don’t, but I’ll take it. This red-haired beauty proved to be a naughty little minx. I expected her to wake me up and help me focus, but she threw me a curve ball with every turn, and that, my friends, is my kind of gal.

DGO Pufnstuf


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