Strain review: Wedding Cake from Prohibition Herb

by DGO Pufnstuf

I’m not going to lie to you guys. It’s been a struggle to find ways to sit still during this weird time we’re in. I know it’s important for everyone’s safety, but holy balls am I bored being stuck inside. The only thing that’s been keeping me semi-sane is weed. Sweet, sweet weed.

One of the strains that has helped immensely with the boredom is Wedding Cake, an indica hybrid that’s a cross between Cherry Pie and GSC, the strain formerly known as Girl Scout Cookies. (By the way, you can take away the name but it will forever be Girl Scout Cookies in my heart. /shakes fist menacingly.)

It’s a new strain on the floor at Prohibition Herb. Well, it’s a new strain behind the counter, anyway. Nothing is really “on the floor” at Prohibition right now thanks to coronavirus, which has forced dispensaries to make some major changes to the way they do biz to protect both their customers and employees. Anyway, it was added to the menu at Prohibition recently, and after smoking it, I can see why.

I picked up the strain from the dispensary late in the afternoon, which, by the way, requires a regimented process these days — gloves, taped off customer areas, distance verification, the whole shebang — and drove it home. This is relevant because I live maybe five city blocks from Prohibition (less if you walk the trail), and in that short amount of time the strain stunk up my entire freaking car. It didn’t smell bad, mind you — it smelled like sweet, It’s that pungent. I was a little nervous I’d be pulled over on my way home and have the officer thinking that I’d been hotboxing my car.

That didn’t happen, though. I made it home without any stench-related issues. Once I was inside, I tossed that bad boy on the kitchen counter to go dig out my trusty old pipe. (I broke my dry herb vape, so RIP to my life.) I was gone for maybe two minutes, and when I emerged from my bedroom, I could smell the weed wafting from the counter down the hallway. So, if you’re trying to be discreet, this ain’t the one, friends.

The sticky buds don’t help it in the discreet department, either. I ended up with tiny bits of weed stuck to my fingers and my table just from loading the bud in my pipe. You will leave remnants of smelly, bright green bud wherever you load your bowl at, kind of like a stoned Hansel and Gretal, but with fewer witches.

Luckily, what it lacks in discreetness, it makes up for in sheer power. I only smoked one bowl while sitting outside of my house mid-afternoon, but one was way more than enough to do the job. The first thing I noticed was the immediate feeling of chill kicking in, followed by a swift smack to the brain stem.

It hit me so hard and so fast, in fact, that I could feel my eyelids lower to half-mast, and they would not cooperate to open any further thereafter. They were stuck. I was suddenly starving, and my brain started to whirl with thoughts of everything and anything. I felt like a machine full of thoughts and feelings and epiphanies. It was badass. The only downside was that my eyes were so dry that every time I would blink it felt like I was blinking over tiny grains of sand. (Side note: I’m glad there is no mirror outside of my house, because I’m pretty sure I looked like a Spongebob meme.)

I stayed high for a long ass time after I smoked that bowl, too. The 33.13% THC in this strain isn’t a joke. Luckily, it was a super chill high. I was quite content to just sit there outside, alone with my jumbled mess of thoughts. It’s probably the first time I’ve been content since the self-quarantine rules were put into place.

I’m not sure how long I spent outside, but I know I finally dragged myself inside and parked in front of the TV after I got weirded out by my plants, which were starting to look like El Cuco out of the corner of my eye. (I probably shouldn’t have watched The Outsider before smoking.) I passed out shortly thereafter.

All in all, this strain was a pleasant surprise, especially in the midst of a pandemic. It helped me find a way to just chill, which is especially important when that’s basically all you’re allowed to do.

So, if you’re bored and in need of a way to center yourself, I’d snag some Wedding Cake, stat. Maybe it’ll help you find your inner peace, minus El Cuco. Just make sure to keep eye drops on hand because it will dry your eyes out like the damn Sahara. Otherwise you should be all good.

DGO Pufnstuf

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