The biggest of all hacks: The joint

by DGO Special

Embarrassed to tell your friends that you suck at rolling joints? Well, don’t you worry. We’re here to walk you through the basics (or help you level up your joint-rolling skills)

Enriquo Palazzo

Picture this: it’s the 1960s, and you’re at a music festival. Someone hands you a skinny little stick that smells like a skunk got frisky with a pine tree. You’re hesitant at first, but then you take a puff and feel the rush of relaxation wash over you. That’s right, my friend, you just smoked a joint.

The good ol’ joint – it’s the OG of cannabis consump-tion. Sure, there are now all kinds of high-tech gadgets and gizmos for getting your daily dose of Mary Jane, but sometimes you just can’t beat the classics. And let’s be real, there’s something just a little bit rebellious and edgy about rolling up a joint and lighting it up.

So why not take a trip down memory lane and spark up a jay like the old days? Wheth-er you’re a seasoned smoker or a newbie, there’s some-thing undeniably cool about the simplicity of a joint. Plus, you’ll be in good company – countless cannabis enthu-siasts over the years have shared a joint with friends, passed it around a circle, and created memories that last a lifetime.

Oh, but wait. You don’t really know how to roll a fatty! Well, listen. You aren’t alone. Plenty of us struggle to roll a joint — and some of us, ahem, BLAZE, are too embarrassed to admit it. But listen! You don’t need to be embarrassed. It’s really not that hard, and there are some easy hacks to follow to make it even easier. We’ll outline them for you below.

So grab some rolling papers, your favorite strain, and get to work using these easy to follow instructions. Who knows, you might just discover a newfound appreciation for the classic, time-honored tradition of smoking a joint — and if nothing else, you’ll be able to roll some excellent pinners in a pinch, and that’s always a good thing.

What you need

Rolling papers
Your favorite strain of flower
A grinder if you have one, or your fingers or scissors will work in a pinch (but we will absolutely judge you)
A lighter or matches
A paper filter or a “crutch” if you’re fancy

How to roll the dang thing

Step 1: Grind the green
Alright, let’s talk about how to roll a joint. First things first, you gotta grind that green. And no, I don’t mean with your dance moves – we’re talking about cannabis here.

Grab about ¼ to 1 gram of cannabis, but make sure to remove any stems from the buds. And please, don’t grind it to a fine powder, unless you’re looking to inhale something that feels like a dusty fart. Trust me, it won’t be a pleasant experience.
Also, if you’re feeling fancy and wanna mix in some tobacco to create  a spliff, remember to use less cannabis. We don’t want you rolling a joint that looks like it’s smuggling a cucumber in it.

Step 2: Become the master of your future (i.e. your paper filter)
Nobody wants to be stuck with a roach when they’re trying to relax and enjoy their weed. So, avoid the frustration of burnt fingers and wasted weed by rolling a paper filter, also known as a “crutch.” Not only does it keep you from inhaling plant matter, but it also lets you smoke the joint all the way down to the end without turning your fingers into crispy critters.

To get started, grab a hard piece of paper, like the cover of the rolling paper packet. You can also detach the thick paper filters that usually come with rolling papers. Roll the paper until you have a small, cylindrical filter. You want it tight enough to keep out debris, but not so tight that you can’t inhale a good hit. And, don’t worry about saving that roach for later – leave it in the past where it belongs.

Step 3: Put the weed in the coconut — err, paper — and you swirl it all around
Now it’s time to get down to business – cannabis in the basin, and let’s tamp it down, folks! Be sure not to give it the Hulk treatment though, because packing it too tight could mean it’s going to be harder to inhale than solving a Rubik’s cube with your toes. So, tamp it down, but not too much. It’s all about finding that perfect balance.

Step 4: Get those digits working!
Time to put those fingers to work and start rolling. You don’t want to roll it too tight or you’ll have a joint that’s harder to hit than a pinata with a toothpick. Just roll it back and forth gently, like you’re trying to lull it to sleep. It’s a joint, not a sprint, so take your time and make it just right.

Step 5: Seal the dang deal
Congratulations, you’ve made it to the final step! It’s time to seal the deal and make your joint official. Take a deep breath, summon all of your courage, and lick the gum of the rolling paper. Then, with a deft flick of the wrist, seal that sucker up like a pro. Voila! You’ve done it. You’ve rolled your very own joint.

DGO March 2023 Page 16 Image 0001Not ready to freehand it? Here are a couple of extra hacking hacks for you chickens.

For those who aren’t quite ready to roll a joint freehand, here are a couple of alternative methods to get you started:

Method 1: The dollar bill trick
Forget using your hard-earned cash for a boring purchase – use it to roll a joint instead!

To roll a joint with a dollar bill (or a $20, big baller; whatever you have on hand should be fine), you simply fold one end of a dollar bill towards the center to create a basin.

Then, you load up the basin with your favorite herb, pack it down, and place a rolling paper on top of the herb with the gum facing you.

Lick the gum, roll it up with a few revolutions, and remove the joint.
Voila! You’re ready to light up and enjoy.

Method 2: The pen trick
If you’re more of a pen person, this one’s for you.
All you have to do with this one is wrap a rolling paper around a pen, lick the gum, and seal the paper.

From there, you slide the cylindrical paper about a quarter of an inch off the edge of the pen, fill it with weed, and then slide it further down.
Then, you simply tamp down the weed, add more, and repeat until you reach the end of the paper.

Tie off the end, and you’re ready to light up and enjoy the fruits of your labor.
So, whether you’re using a dollar bill or a pen, you can still roll a joint like a pro without breaking the bank. Just remember to have fun and experiment with different techniques to find the one that works best for you. Happy rolling!
Ready to level up? All right, show-off. Here’s how you can do it.

Tackle the cone joint
Ready to take your joint-rolling game to the next level? Behold the mighty cone joint — the apex of joint rolling achievement.

To create this marvel of smoking engineering, start with a standard joint, but add a little extra oomph at the end opposite the filter. Think of it like a baseball bat — skinny at one end, and gradually widening out to a satisfyingly plump tip.

Roll the paper over the filter and the base of the joint, licking the gum as you go to seal it all up tight. Then, give the joint a gentle tap on a table with the filter pointing down. This will cause the weed at the tip to settle down, creating a small open portion of paper at the end.

At this point, you can get creative with your packing. Use a pen or pencil to tamp down the weed, creating a perfectly shaped cone. Or, seal it up and smoke it as is – either way, you’ll be the envy of all your smoking buddies with your hand-rolled cone joint prowess.

Get sacrelicious with a cross joint
So you want to learn how to roll a cross joint? First things first, you’re gonna need some rolling papers, ground cannabis, a sharp tool, and a filter. And of course, a sense of adventure.

Now, take one of your rolling papers and put a rolled-up filter in the end. Fill that baby up with weed, roll it like a pro, seal it with a lick, and set it aside. You’re already one step closer to impressing all your stoner friends.

Next up, take another paper and fill it with more cannabis. Roll it up from the middle, give it a good lick, and seal it shut. Now, tear off the ends of the second joint like a savage and grab your trusty pocket knife to make a hole about three-fourths of the way up the first joint.

Using that same sharp tool, poke a hole right in the center of the second joint and slide it through the hole in the first until they form a cross. Make sure those holes line up, or you’ll be in for a cross joint disaster.

Okay, now grab your third rolling pa-per and get ready to make some magic happen. Remove the sticky side, tear it in half, and wrap each half around the cross joint at the junction where the two joints meet. Lick those bad boys to seal them up tight, let your creation dry, and you’re ready to light up and get cross-faded. Just don’t blame us when you’re seeing stars.

Get lovey-dovey with weed and a heart joint
Looking to add some extra love to your smoke sesh? Try a heart joint! It’s the perfect way to spice up any ordinary day and get a little romantic with your smoking partner.

To create this masterpiece, you’ll need two rolled joints of the same size, but be warned — once you start smoking, your productivity may hit an all-time low. Take one joint and twist the end together with the other joint, securing with glue strips. Then, bend the two joints into a heart shape and seal with more glue strips.

But that’s not all! The finishing touch is a third joint with a filter, which you’ll keep on the lighter side so as not to ruin the magic. After the glue dries, slice open the base of the heart and cut the top of the third joint into four equal strips. Wrap them around the base of the heart and seal for the ultimate heart joint experience.

Who needs Valentine’s Day when you have a heart joint? It’s the perfect way to show your love and get a little high at the same time. Just don’t be surprised if you’re feeling more lovey-dovey than usual.

Put your two lips on this tulip joint (after you roll it, obviously)
Ready to take your smoking game to the next level? Get ready for a wild ride with the infamous tulip joint in Amster-dam!

This joint is not for the faint of heart — it’s a massive cone-shaped masterpiece, resembling the beautiful flower it’s named after. To make one, start by rolling a regular joint with a slightly conical tip, then set it aside.

Next up, take three papers and stick them together lengthwise to create a huge rectangle. Tear another paper in half and twist one half into a rope. Fold the rectangle into a cone shape and seal the sticky end at the top.

Now comes the fun part — fill the cone with several grams of weed and gently tamp it down. Then, insert the regular joint into the open end of the cone, filter side up. Tie the tulip cone off with the paper rope, holding everything in place. And voila! You’re now ready to celebrate tulip season in style.

But why stop at tulips? How about a joint made of actual flowers? You heard it right — you can roll a joint with rose petals. First, dry the petals overnight and join them together with your saliva. Once the petals are sealed, gently roll them together like a blunt, generously licking to seal them into a beautiful rose petal joint.

So whether you’re in the mood for a massive tulip joint or a romantic rose petal joint, there’s always a new way to elevate your smoking experience. Just be prepared for some serious fun and maybe a little bit of coughing. Smoke responsibly, friends!


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