Ever wondered what comes inside those subscription and mystery stoner boxes? The ones that claim to be filled with all sorts of unique glassware, smoking accessories, and other gadgets?
Yep, we have, too — and we decided to do something about it.
In a bid for answers, we ordered basically all of the subscription smoker boxes — we’re talking Hemper, Elevated Stash, Hippie Butler, Sensi Box, and whatever else we found online when we were blazed — and decided to rate them for you as they arrived.
Thanks to our blazed-face purchases, we have all the details for what actually comes in these boxes, what the price tag is to snag them and tell you whether it’s worth or not we think it’s worth the hassle, and the shekels, to purchase these baddies.
This is our third round of the subscription smoker box gauntlet, and we’ll keep the info coming for as long as the boxes arrive.
This month, we have another Sensi- Box from Spiced Up to review for ya. These boxes are marketed as a “lifestyle smoking subscription box,” whatever that means.
SensiBox subscriptions come in two options: the Original SensiBox, which promises seven items every month for $39, or the SensiLight Box, which comes
with five items for $24.
We felt like being big ballers to the max, so we sprung for the extra $25 box to get the Original SensiBox, which is supposed to be hand-curated to include the company’s own exclusive glass and pipe designs, at least according to the limited marketing materials we could dig up.
As with some of the other stoner box subscription options, each Sensibox delivery contains glass and smoker essentials.
Here’s what the deal is with this box.
What the box promised: Per the SensiBox website, “Unwrap a SensiBox and be amazed at the cool awesomeness inside each box. We take pride in hand-curating every box, including our very own exclusive designs. Feel the SensiBox Love!”
What actually came in the box: An Art of Smoke owl pipe, a carry bag for said owl pipe, Sensicones, a glass chillum, a clipper lighter, glass filter tips, and a pumpkin silicone jar
Here’s the breakdown:
– Art of Smoke Owl Pipe: Retails for maybe $20?
– Art of Smoke pipe carrying bag: Retails for maybe $3?
– Glass chillum: Retails for $5 – Sensicones: Retails for $4
– Silicone pumpkin jar: Retails for like $3, which is $3 too much
– Clipper lighter: Retails for $2
– Glass filter tips: Retails for maybe $4?
Estimated value by SensiBox: No idea; it isn’t disclosed
Maximum total value as calculated by my bad math: $41
My estimate of the actual value: Can I add a negative number here?
My overall satisfaction level with the Original SensiBox: 0 out of 5 Juicy J rolling papers
My quick review: I’m just going to cut to the chase here. Remember how I loved last month’s SensiBox, what with the best dinosaur pipe on the planet? And
those tiny little weed plants that doubled as styrofoam filler? Yeah, well that’s all out the window now.
I hate this box.
Hate it.
With a passion.
It is so stupid that I am beyond salty about it.
And, what’s more is that I cannot believe I spent any money on it, much less $39.
Why do I hate it, you ask? Well, because everything in it is dumb.
To be fair, I think part of my disappointment is that I really loved last month’s box. It was on point. Someone had done a fantastic job with the theme, and it was carried through the entire box. It felt like I was opening something special, and I now regularly use that dino pipe, with its cute as a button nostrils blowing smoke, to get blazed. I even show it off to my non-smoker friends, who are equally impressed.
Given that the last box was so well thought out, I just assumed that this month’s box would be equally as on theme, whatever that was supposed to be.
Needless to say, it is not, AND THAT IS SO ANNOYING BECAUSE THIS WAS AN OCTOBER BOX. Think of all the Halloween-y opportunities that were missed!
Let’s start with the owl pipe. I get that owls are a thing in nature, or whatever, but what on earth makes anyone think this pipe is a good idea? It looks like it was designed to be an outdoor fireplace, not a pipe. It is not cute. It is not kitschy. There is no quirkiness to make it endearing. It is dumb.
I don’t like the glaze on the outside of it. I don’t like the bowl on the top of the owl’s head. And while I suppose it could be funny if I weren’t so salty, I also do not like inhaling through the owl’s ass. This thing needs to go. It’s ugly and it weirds me out.
No freaking thanks.
So, that was my first thumbs down after opening the box. But while I wasn’t exactly impressed with the owl, I figured maybe the other themed items in the box would make up for it.
Umm, turns out there is no theme. Someone just shoveled a bunch of junk into this box and called it a day.
Like, what does the tetris or 8-bit looking clipper lighter have to do with Halloween, owls, or anything at all? Stupid ass lighter seems like it should go in a
Mario box, not a box with a dumb owl pipe in it.
And, the same goes for the glass filter tips. Why are these in there? What do they have to do with anything? There aren’t even rolling papers in the box!
That’s what you’d use these kind of dumb basic glass tips with!
So, we’re basically 0 for 3 at the moment.
And then we have the glass chillum. Chillums can be useful. They can be great. They can be things that I like. I like glass, and I like smoking, and I like small
smoking devices that are easy to carry.
What I do not like, however, is this dumb glass chillum. It is about as cheap as it gets — which is fine; I get that there’s a bottom line to contend with and
SensiBox has to make some money — but between the cheap chillum, the terrifying owl, and the ugly lighter and glass tips, it all feels so half-assed.
And that’s not even touching the Sensicones, which are rice paper cones you can load with your weed. I guess they are sort of on-theme with the owl because the box has leaves on it. That’s it. But, I will not use them. I am not excited about them. And by the time I had unloaded them from the box, I was already over it.
But wait! We haven’t even touched on the stupid carry bag for the owl pipe yet. You guys. Look closely at the photos on this article and then tell me what the
Kate Spade hell that pattern is. It looks like someone’s early 2000s purse. It somehow makes the owl pipe even more annoying.
And to top things off, the last item in the box was a small pumpkin silicone wax holder. Like…I can’t. I can’t even go there. Do people really use those things to store their wax? Doesn’t wax come in its own container to begin with? Why would I want this? It’s just all so dumb.
So, to summarize, I probably should have just used the $39 to pay for this box as blunt wrappers instead. It would have been a better use of the money. This box ain’t it, and I’m truly surprised after last month’s win.
But, I guess that’s how it goes. Hopefully whatever smoker box junk arrives in the mail for next month is a little less awful, but I don’t have my hopes up.
Maybe some other subscription box will come through with something unique.
Or maybe I’ll be back to whine in the worst way. Only time will tell.
(P.S. If anyone has a weird affinity for owl pipes with weird configurations, I’m happy to pass this thing off. I really don’t want it. It creeps me out and I’m pretty sure this is how campy horror movies start. So hit me up if you do. It’s all yours.)
