You guys. I found it. I found my unicorn strain. And it happened in the most unlikely of circumstances.
For context, I’ve been looking for a particular strain of weed for years now — one that I used to smoke with a friend a long time ago. This strain was freaking phenomenal in every way. A couple of bowls in and my legs would feel tingly, my arms would feel numb, and I’d become a freaking chatterbox of epic proportions — which I typically am not.
That strain always led to happy days and happy nights. We’d light up a bowl (or four), sit on his patio, and talk for what felt like hours on end. Good times with good people and good weed.
I have wanted to get my hands on that bud for a long time now. And why didn’t I just go buy some of it, you ask? Well, there was a slight issue with that plan.
Problem was that we both bought and smoked that strain while living in a prohibition state (naughty, naughty, I know), so I wasn’t exactly sure of what the strain was. It’s not like you can grill the small-time dealer down the street about the origins of the bud he’s selling you in those situations. You just take your sandwich baggie full of what could also be oregano or basil and head on your way before something sketchy happens.
So, while I knew I loved that strain, I didn’t know what the hell it actually was to buy it.
After I moved to Colorado, I set out on a mission to find the strain. I tried smoking my way through all of the options on the shelves, from sativas to hybrids to indicas, but I just could not nail it down. Some strains came close — I’d get the tingly arms or chatty mouth — but nothing hit the mark.
Not until I found Wilson! Zero, anyway.
I had no idea what Wilson! Zero was before I picked it up from Prohibition Herb. It’s new on the shelves up there, and I (true to form) was running late on my review, so I just picked, at random, something that I hadn’t tried before. I had no background or context for what it was, where it came from, or what the effects would be. I just needed to get my job done — and I needed to do so quickly.
It turned out to be the best outcome I could have asked for because while I doubt that this strain is the exact same strain I used to smoke, it is very, very close. And I love it.
But, I’ll get to that.
Before I go into those details, here’s a primer for what I’ve learned about the Wilson! Zero strain post-purchase.
Wilson! Zero, also stylized as just Wilson Zero in some cases, is a strain that was created by crossing Banana OG x Papaya # 3 with Tropicanna Cookies F1.
What that weed science experiment yielded were some pretty epic buds. My batch of Wilson! Zero had buds that were fat and purple and green — and the smell was spicy and also somewhat yeasty, like someone making a fall pastry in the kitchen.
Needless to say, that was not what I was expecting. Both the color and scent were a complete surprise to me, but it looked promising, given those unique purple nugs.
I lit a bowl of this strain up while alone on my back porch in the midst of a cold spell, and from the very first hit, I knew I may be onto something. The taste knocked me in the face with a cloud of nostalgia, though at first, I couldn’t figure out what it reminded me of.
And then, about halfway through that bowl, I felt that old familiar high kick in. My head felt light as air, I started to get a little tingly, and my thoughts began to scatter in the best way.
As I pondered the meaning of life (and by that I mean I was digging through Reddit), I started to wonder if I was smoking a similar strain to what I had been looking for over the last few years. I didn’t want to get my hopes up, but I began to think that maybe — just maybe — had found it. My unicorn strain.
But, I wasn’t quite convinced. So I kept smoking just to see what happened. With one bowl down, I was pretty freaking stoned. Surprising, considering the batch of Wilson! Zero I picked up contained less THC — about 17.18% — than many of the strains I normally smoke, but it’s true. I was abnormally high.
And, since I wanted to try and recreate the setting that made that old strain so great, I sat back on my outdoor couch, leaned back, and smoked another bowl.
By the time I’d cashed that second bowl, I knew I was onto something. Two bowls in and I was a lot more stoned than I thought I would be. My legs felt like they were full of tiny little pulsing electrodes, and the skin on my arm was crawling with life. I felt tingly, alive, and freaking high, all at once.
Only problem? I also felt really chatty — but there was no one to talk to. So, I took a few notes instead.
These notes are what can only be described as stoned ramblings, and if this is what I sounded like back in the day while rambling on about life with my friend, I truly don’t know how anyone smokes with me.
The tidbits in my notes range from me wishing I had a Pokestop in my house (someone please help my poor, stoned self that rediscovered Pokemon Go after years away) to my thoughts on how Halloween movies are chosen, and they are not fit for this world. They are embarrassing.
For example, at one point in my stoned ramblings, it appears that I was very upset that the kids movie
“Coraline” is not considered a Halloween movie but stupid “Halloween Town” is. To be fair, that point still stands now that I’m sober, but it does show you where my headspace was at.
I also wrote a very long ode to my love for “The Nightmare Before Christmas,” though I’m not exactly sure why.
And, tucked in between the insane ramblings are notes about how much I missed those days of smoking this strain — or one very similar — with my old friend. A confirmation that yes, I did indeed find what I was looking for. And I did so completely by accident — all because I am a master procrastinator. Go figure.
But isn’t that how the best things work? I think so. It seems I always find the things I need or want when I’m done looking for them. Stuff just tends to appear or reappear on its own time. Kinda like Wilson! Zero.
I can’t tell you that you’ll love this strain, but I can tell you that I do. It’s exactly what I didn’t know I needed, and I’m going to snag a few more eighths before everyone else catches onto it. So if you head up to
Prohibition to grab some and it’s completely sold out, it was my fault.
But, I’m always happy to share. You’ll have to listen to my insane ramblings on Pokemon Go and Halloween movies, but I’m always happy to share. Even if it is my unicorn, Wilson! Zero, that’s being passed around among new friends.