All hail the vegan munchies

by DGO Staff

Are you a stoned vegan who’s craving something junky? Don’t worry; there are plenty of munchie options to pick from.

We tend to forget about the vegan stoners out there, at least when it comes to junk food. We don’t mean to, but when we’re in the munchie zone, we go hard — and it usually includes beef jerky. Let us live, thanks. And while vegan food has been proven to have a ton of health benefits, there’s just something very NOT alluring about the idea of a tall glass of kombucha and a salad with kimchi when you’re stoned.

But as we learned recently, vegan food doesn’t have to be inherently healthy — which means that we can start stashing some away for a stoned munchie day. In fact, all it takes to be vegan is to omit animal products like meat, egg, dairy, and gelatin. Everything else goes. Who knew?

And, there’s even such thing as vegan junk food, which is perfect for someone who’s vegan for reasons of ethics not necessarily health. But even if you’re not a vegan, these tasty and very unhealthy treats are often already part of your everyday diet — so you may even have some sitting around right now.

Anyway, without further ado, here are a few junk food treats that you may not have realized were vegan. You can toss them into the cabinet so they’re readily available for the next time you overdo it on the good ol’ weed.

Oreos are vegan because life doesn’t make sense.

Yes, yes, the brand that claims to
be “Milk’s Favorite Cookie” is vegan.
In order to stay shelf-stable and fresh for who knows how long, Oreos don’t contain any dairy. Their creamy center is made of vegetable oil. This makes all flavors and types of Oreos vegan.
Potato chips are, too. Salty and sweet? Hell yah.
Obviously, plain chips are just potatoes and oil. However, many other flavors are also vegan. Check the back of the packaging to be sure, but most BBQ flavors are vegan. Just make
sure they don’t include honey. Salt and vinegar, flamin’ hot, and other common flavors often don’t have any non-vegan ingredients.

Boxed cake mixes are also vegan — and that includes chocolate.

Boxed cake mixes are the easiest way to make a vegan cake. Most box mixes tell you to add milk, butter, and/or eggs to the batter yourself. This allows them to stay on the shelf for a long time. It’s also a lot cheaper for the manufacturer. Even some chocolate flavors don’t contain powdered milk. A good brand for this is Dunkin Hines, which even has a vegan boxed Chewy Fudge Brownie mix. Yum!

You will have to figure out how to make the cake without the ingredients they ask for, but it’s usually not difficult. Once you pick up an accidentally vegan cake mix from whatever brand is common in your area, head online. There are plenty of vegan bloggers who post recipes for transforming boxed cake mixes into beautiful vegan cakes.

So, it turns out snack pies are also mostly vegan. Bobby Hill would be proud.

Snack pies are another commonly accidental vegan food. Once again, the companies’ desire to make cheap products that don’t spoil works to our advantage. Junk food vegans rejoice to see snack pies made with vegetable oil and margarine. Just make sure that any gelatin listed also says “pectin.” Pectin is a plant-based thickener that works like gelatin. Unlike gelatin, however, it doesn’t contain any animal products.

Eating vegan can be a healthy choice, of course but not every day has to be kale chips and plain oatmeal — and you may not want kale when you’re stoned. We sure don’t.

Either way, anyone can grab a vegan treat to satiate the cravings when they’re high. Plus, these things will typically last forever, so you don’t have to worry about making a grocery store run or summoning up Instacart to get them. You can just grab ‘em and toss them into your pantry for a rainy, blazed day. Sounds like a great plan to us.

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