The ultimate weed survival guide

by DGO Staff

Dreading the holidays with your family? Don’t you worry. Just pack up these essentials and you’ll be all set.

The holidays are rolling around quickly, despite how much we’re all trying to put them off. And that means you’re proba-bly going to soon be stuck in some situations you don’t really want to be in.

Try as you might to forget it, the reality is that we all have someone in our family who just can’t help themselves. They’re ad-dicted to saying shit that makes us want to flip the table in their direction.

But unless you want to disap-point your mom again with
a rant, or just not show up, you’re going to need to find
a few smart ways to avoid the awkwardness that is family time during the holidays. And by that we mean you need to figure out how to get stoned around your family, especially if you’re traveling out of town, without drawing attention to yourself.

Not sure where to start? Well, the good news is that this little guide will give you a few tips on how to build the perfect stoner survival kit, which will almost certainly make things a lot less stressful.

Survival guide, step one: Gather the essentials
(read: edibles).

For starters, you’re going to need to gather some basic essentials. We suggest you start off with packing some edibles to take with you, which will let you be discreet when you need to be.

The last thing you need is your mom making you search around the house for the skunk she smelled in the room you’re staying in.

Sativa edibles are a great option for daytime use when you’re stuck with the family. They’ll get you stoned and give you that extra little push to tolerate the bullshit and monotony of sitting around watching your dad’s favorite shows (football) or running last minute errands with your mom…probably to get more cranberry sauce.

Indica edibles will come in clutch to send you off to sleepytown when you want the day to end a little quicker than usual. Sure, you might stay up late while you’re at your place, but when the family is lights out earlier than your normal bedtime, you can match their sleep schedule with a strong indica edible. As an added bonus, taking a few of these will knock some serious hours off your trip.

Survival guide, step two: Stock up on vape carts.

Vape cartridges are another necessity when building a holiday toolkit. You can’t beat the discretion that vape cartridges offer — and if you choose wisely, you don’t even have to step outside to make use of it. (Side note: We’re big fans of the fruit-flavored Sano Genetics vapes. They taste like magic and get you stoned. What could be better than that?)

As with the edibles, though, you should be sure to choose your strain or type wisely. Chances are you don’t want an energetic high from a sativa if every-one is crashing out — especially if you are going to be forced to tiptoe around in the dark.

Cartridges can also work super well for other times, like when you’re forced to go on a long walk with your sibling or cousins. You’ll have enough to share, and won’t have to worry about coming back smelling like “dope,” at least according to your Vietnam vet dad.

Survival guide, step three: Consider some weed food, dude.

Perhaps you’ve always wanted to see your dad relax (for a change) or help your grandma get ripped out of her mind so she’s not talking about your nonexistent love life. Instead, she’s talking about her plants or the nosey ass new neighbors who moved into her neighborhood she has lived in for 60 years. Or maybe you just want to offer up some much-needed weed sustenance to the family members you’ve always been cool with.

Well, that brings us to the infused foods — the ones that you may want to offer up at the festivities in order to watch your family get lit. Things like infused cookies or brownies work well and can blend right in with the other desserts on the table. You can make them OR buy them; your call. And, as a bonus, your mom will be impressed with your contribution to the holiday dinner for once.

Just make sure to give people a heads up that those aren’t your mama’s brownies beforehand. Otherwise, your grabby aunt may overdo it and end up couch-locked for hours on the one comfortable couch in the house. And nobody needs to deal with that mess at a holiday gathering, now do they?

Survival guide, step four: Don’t forget the joints.

While perhaps not the most discreet of the options, it may also be wise to take a joint or two with you. The reality is that nothing beats smoking a joint — especially when you are hiding from your annoying relatives while out back and smoking with some of the cool people in your family. In fact, we still sneak off with our cousins every year to the skate park or just walk around grandma’s neighborhood to pass a joint around.

There’s just something about the communal aspect of smoking a joint that simply can’t be beat. Each year, it just takes us back to the first time we smoked a Thanksgiving joint with our cousins way back in the mid ’90s.

With any luck, these tips will help you navigate the dreaded family time that’s on the horizon. And, maybe getting stoned and talking up a storm with your dad while he is high on the infused cranberry sauce you brought will bring y’all together for a change. He may even tell you about that time back in ’78 when he smoked a joint with your super straight-laced aunt in the parking lot of the Macky Auditorium when Sprinsteen’s Darkness on the Edge of Town stop in Boulder was canceled. But only if you’re lucky.

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